Catfight
by dave-d
Summary: Sousuke feels determined to provide lessons for the quarreling Kaname and Tessa.  Naturally, he himself forgot the most important lesson.
1. Chapter 1

**PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:**

_This story contains a few spoilers. No, a whole plethora of spoilers. It may be a bit OOC depending on whether or not you buy the underlying premise. And, it's a bit long and really doesn't go anywhere. So, without further introduction:_

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Plates and glasses slid along the tabletop.

The crewmembers of the _Tuatha Da Danaan_, Mithril's remarkable submersible, mindlessly reached out to halt the travels of their wayward dinnerware. This was nothing new to them.

To their guest, however, it was a somewhat bothersome necessity, all the more irritating since she found it troublesome to be back onboard in the first place. Kaname Chidori placed her arm down more demonstrably than she had intended, forming a barrier.

"Don't be alarmed, Miss Chidori." Tessa reached out to catch the glass just before it fell to the floor. "The seas are a bit rough; but we'll submerge again, once we have finished bringing supplies aboard." Focusing more on talking than holding, the young Captain reverted to her normal clumsiness, dropping the glass. Luckily, the secret facility at an Australian port they were berthed at had off-loaded a new supply of drinkware soon after they arrived

"I told you we should buy her plastic cups," Kurz said with a grin. That smile quickly morphed into a grimace, when Melissa Mao stomped hard on his foot under their table.

"Idiot," Melissa mumbled. She took a long swig of beer she had hidden inside an empty soda can. If the cantina hadn't been a 'No Smoking' area, she would be puffing away.

"I'm _not_ worried." Kaname made a face. What did Tessa take her for, some kind of coward or crybaby? She ought to know better than that, after all this time. "The submarine is built from stronger stuff than that glass." She looked down at the fragments scattered across the floor. It never ceased to amaze her: a clumsy seventeen year old girl at the helm of a five billion dollar undersea craft.

"So am I," Tessa rushed to say, feeling somewhat conscientious in front of Kaname. The other girl was taller, more athletic, and more maturely proportioned than she was. "I wonder where Sousuke is." She smiled and said "I mean... Sergeant Major Sagara..." Sure, Sousuke and Kaname _were_ a couple. But, that didn't mean she had to give up on her dreams. More than once, life had thrown surprises her way. After all of the bad things that had happened to her, she was due for some good luck. She straightened her blouse, picturing Sousuke in her mind.

"He's probably polishing his new A.S. with a toothbrush, or something." Kaname relied with a little more heat than the situation required. "_Hmmmpppfff._ Big idiot. I couldn't find him last night either." She tried to keep from sounding irritable. But, penned up onboard the TDD-1, she had at least expected to spend _some_ time with a certain soldier. "I don't know _why_ you had to give him another experimental Arm Slave." The anger that crept into her voice that time had a number of diners cringing.

"It wasn't _my_ decision, Kaname…." Tessa shrugged. She had remained noncommittal, out of deference to Sousuke. The Mithril council wanted Sousuke to pilot the ARX-9 _Fragarach_, because of his prior experiences with Arbalest and ARX-8 _Laevatein_ "Just as bringing you to Merida Island wasn't my idea." She blushed. The way she said that made her sound jealous, or like a petulant little girl.

"I know_,"_ Kaname said, tossing her hair. She looked Tessa in the eyes for a moment, and then looked away. During the journey out, the two of them had bonded some. It had been a pleasant time for both of them. Being Whispered, they had something in common that few women shared. But, after being put through the ringer by the commanders of the reformed organization, Kaname had ended up in a very bad mood. A number of things that happened during her stay that had put her in a bit of a snit. "I told those geezers that I don't want to work for Mithril. They told me I might lose my protection. I told them _they_ might lose Sousuke." That brought a fierce look to her eyes. "He's mine." That slipped out involuntarily. It hung in the air like a fireworks bomb waiting to explode.

Kaname didn't lapse into a nostalgic mood. This was not the right time for that. She was pre-occupied, her adrenalin levels sky-rocketing. When Sgt. Sousuke Sagara had first invaded her school, she thought him a freak and wacko, and the last thing she wanted was to have someone like that follow her around, coincidence or not. But, through flood and fire, so to speak, her feelings had changed as the two shared dramatic moments that shaped their lives to come.

In the movies, something like that would be wonderful. The hero and heroine would live happily ever after. But, she and her soldier might never have that option. She remembered all too well the thoughts she had, aboard an Amalgam helicopter, watching below as Sousuke and the ARX-8 fought for her. She couldn't help but recall the radio conversation she had with him, with Kalinin's permission, not long after she had shot Tessa's brother:

_"Don't chase after me. Right now, I am with Kalinin in the helicopter. Leonard, too. Or,_ _maybe I've killed him. Poor Leonard. I thought of running many times. But in the end I found out it's impossible. I can never beat those people. The more I struggle, the more I hurt. That's why... I'm sorry... please don't chase after me. For you to chase after a person like me all this time, I really am happy. But…."_

_"Chidori? What are you talking about?" _

_"That's why...Sousuke...forget me..." _

"Wait, Chidori, I..." 

_"We have to know when to stop. The two of us. Actually don't stop. I don't want this, definitely. Sousuke, do you hear me?"_

_"Uhhh…."_

_"I am ordering you in the name of Vice President of the student council. Listen carefully okay? Come save me. I don't mind the number of sacrifices. No matter how many deaths, hundreds, thousands, millions, it doesn't matter. Come get me. Use everything you have, use all those ridiculous troublesome soldier skills you have… beat even the toughest enemy… and come embrace me!! You can do it, can't you?"_

_"Uhhh… yes I can. I will come. Wait for me."_

_"Ummm… ahhh ... Souske...I like you the best."_

_"Me too. I love you."_

She had tried to be strong. She had tried to be noble. She had tried to put everyone else's good before her own. Both she and Sousuke realized that people died whenever he chose to chase after her. Good people and bad people alike. Nami was poignant proof of that. But, Kaname was still just as teenage girl. She wanted to have a good life, even if it wasn't a normal life. She wanted Sousuke in that life.

What would happen, when she returned to school? Was Kyouko alright? What would her classmates think of her? How would they react to Sousuke. Would the two of them put their friends at risk again? That was only one issue that had her frequently feeling frightened, frustrated, or furious. Why did she have to be Whispered? Why couldn't she have an average life? She wasn't in the mood to see that she and Tessa had a good number of things in common. At the moment, the shorter girl was the face of Mithril. She was someone who wanted _her_ man!

"Tick… tick… tick…." Kurz' time-bomb imitation showed that he had ably picked up on the incendiary nature of that small verbal slip.

There was still time for someone to defuse the situation. This did not have to escalate to KANAMECON-1. Mao had coined that fictitious system some time in the past, modeling it after DEFCON, the defense readiness condition, a measure of the activation and readiness level of the United States Armed Forces.

DEFCON 5 is the condition used to designate normal peacetime military readiness. An upgrade in military preparedness is typically made by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and announced by the United States Secretary of Defense. DEFCON 4 refers to normal, increased intelligence and the heightening of national security measures. Readiness remained at this level throughout most of the Cold War. DEFCON 3 indicates an increase to force readiness above normal. DEFCON 2 implies a further increase in force readiness just below maximum readiness. It has been declared only once, during the Cuban Missile Crisis. DEFCON 1 refers to maximum readiness. It is not certain whether this has ever been used, but it is reserved for imminent or ongoing attack on US military forces or US territory by a foreign military power.

In somewhat pointed contrast, KANAMECON-1 was hardly a rare event. Moreover, very little provocation appeared to be necessary for a rapid change in levels. And, while Sgt. Major Sousuke Sagara usually appeared to the cause for such dramatic progressions, he was not the sole beneficiary to Kaname Chidori's outbursts. The 'honeymoon period' that followed her return from captivity at the hands of Amalgam, a blissful period where she remained calm and collected despite numerous hardships incumbent upon her return to home soil, was clearly a thing of the past.

Regardless, the odds seemed good that this conversation would end up in another squabble. The two Whispered girls had been getting cattier and cattier, the further away they got from the rebuilt Mithril base. To any budding amateur psychologist, the regrettable behavior wasn't all that hard to understand. Both girls had been through quite a bit since the day that Amalgam had mounted an all-out purge against Mithril, and Leonard Testarossa had spirited Kaname away after his _Belial_ had made short work of the ARX-7. They each had more pent-up aggression than a squad of re-supply personnel could stuff into a missile tube.

"You're very lucky," Tessa said, playing with her ponytail. She lowered her eyes, and then straightened her shoulders. "But, you don't _own_ Sagara." She sighed, and left her bench, intent on picking up the pieces of broken glass. "And… in case you don't trust him… nothing happened." She was making reference to the time she had spent with Sousuke at the base. The blue-haired girl had dropped angry comments about that turn of events on more than one occasion.

Tessa, of course, had her own reason to feel anxious and on edge. Her feelings for Sousuke hadn't diminished. She didn't suddenly find herself surrounded by suitors her own age. If anything, with the mess that Mithril still found itself in, her life had become even more tense and restricted. How many people that she knew and cared about died in Amalgam's attack on Merida Island? Sydney? Others bases and safe-houses? Just what role had her brother played in all that turmoil and heartbreak? Was he dead? Why did she sometimes feel herself feeling guilty for something that he had done? And then there was still the whole matter of Lt. Commander Kalinin.

There had been no time to grieve during the TDD-1's miraculous escape or the cat-and-mouse game they played soon thereafter. There had been no time to wonder about her own future, when the TDD-1 and crew played a role in supporting Sousuke's efforts to retrieve his kidnapped girlfriend. So many things weighed heavily on her small shoulders. Sometimes, she felt as if she were being smothered. Now, in contrast, she felt like a spring that was wound way too tight.

"Of course not," Kaname said, trying to focus her attention on the food covering her plate. "Sousuke cares about me. That's why he risked his life, saving me from Amalgam… and _your _brother…" That last was a bit of a low blow. The way that Leonard had tried to hijack her life was not Tessa's fault. "He wasn't upset when I went home to spend time with my father and sister." Shortly after returning to Tokyo, she had taken time to visit her family in the states. They had been very worried about her.

"I know. He _told_ me." Tessa blushed. That was a bit confrontational. What had gotten into her this morning? It must be the result of Kaname's continued funk. Maybe that kind of thing was contagious. "We spent a lot of time together, after the situation with the enemy quieted down some." When Kaname had gone to America, Sousuke had come back aboard _Da Danaan_. The crew had been through difficult times. She herself had needed the support of people she could trust. "I cooked for him a lot then, too. Just like on the island." While Kaname had been facing the council, she had been cooking Spaghetti Carbonara for Sousuke again. It was one of is favorite dishes. "I wouldn't trade those times for anything in the world."

"Right." Kaname stabbed at her ham steak and eggs with a fork. The yolk exploded, sending a yellow wave out over the white surrounds. "I guess when that's all you have, you have no choice but to treasure it." She pushed fried potatoes around on her plate, wondering for the umpteenth time where Sousuke was. "I spent a lot of time thinking about Sousuke, while I was a captive. I didn't always appreciate him the way I should. I won't make that mistake again." She lifted her chin up. That was her way of saying 'Don't get your hopes up!' Obviously, she was not above rubbing things in.

"We'll see," Tessa said, trying to sound mysterious. "The best laid plans of mice and men…." The quote from Robert Burns had the young Captain sighing, counteracting her bold stance. "Sousuke said that he enjoyed his time with me." Her pride urged her on. It wasn't easy being in charge of a submarine. It was difficult, being isolated the way she was. Did everyone understand just how hard it was, seeing the boy you have a crush on care for someone else? "We grew very close." She paused, lifting her own chin. _"Very."_ She gasped, cutting herself on the glass. She stuck her bloody finger in her mouth. "Who knows what seeds might have been sown…."

"Uh huh." Kaname felt herself go rigid. She couldn't help that she was the jealous type. Maybe it was because of the fact that she could lose Sousuke at any moment, given the dangerous nature of his job. Maybe it was because he was the only boy who valued her for who she was, and could put up with the quirks and habits that drove everyone else away. "It's not like you kissed, or anything." She put that out there as a lure of sorts. She wanted Tessa to take the bait, and tell her that nothing like that happened. She trusted Sousuke; but, she couldn't help herself.

"Is _that _what he told you?" Tessa grinned, feeling wicked. It was a new feeling for her. She had never kissed Sousuke; but, she didn't have to come out and say that. "Hmmm-mm-m… then it must be true… I guess…" She sat back down and wrapped her finger in her napkin. She began nibbling on a piece of toast.

"Do you _really_ think that kind of trick will work?" Kaname felt her temper fraying, and forced herself to calm down. She took a deep breath and let it out. "If the two of you kissed, there's no way you could have kept it a secret." She smiled, but savaged her meat with her fork and knife. "That Moody Military Maniac could not have kept from sweating when I asked him what went on, if he had done something so underhanded." Truth be told, he had sweated up a storm. But, that had been because he was worried how Kaname might react to the fact that he had spent any time at all with Tessa. Clueless as he might be, he had begun understanding how Kaname's mind worked.

"Sousuke is not as innocent as you make him out to be," Tessa said, dropping a piece of egg into her lap. Frowning, she retrieved the errant food. "And I am not just his commanding officer, you know." She waved her hand about. "I don't know everything that happened when he went looking for you. But he seems so much more open… and affectionate..." What she really meant was 'friendly.' That other word slipped in by accident, of course.

"Yes." Kaname practically growled that word. Running her hand through her hair, she once again kept from flying off the handle. Barely. Tessa was just pushing her buttons, right? But, how had she suddenly gotten so good at it? "He certainly _is. _You're right about the innocent part." She dabbed at her mouth with her napkin, hiding a smile. The ball was in her court now. "I guess he can't help himself. He must have seen and heard a lot of things, hanging around with soldiers and sailors for much of his life. Before, it would have made me smack him with the halisen…" She yawned and stretched. "Now? I have absolutely no complaints…." She didn't feel the slightest bit dirty, implying personal things that never truly happened.

"Shouldn't that be harisen?" Tessa blinked rapidly, feeling exceedingly immature. Paper fans were referred to in different ways, due to the 'l' and 'r' switching that went on in the Japanese language. "Any way, I doubt that the two of you have gotten… intimate…" She coughed. It felt as if her cheeks had caught fire. "Not that it's really any of _my _business…." She clutched her napkin under the table. Moving her hands without knowing, she tied the hapless linen into knots. "But… if you _had_… I would have heard about it from Mao and Weber…." She looked over at her two subordinates, each of whom had adopted a 'who me' look. "Repeatedly."

"Only _if_ Sousuke told them," Kaname said. "He's become very fond of certain things. If he went and blurted certain little secrets, he might find himself going cold turkey for a while." Truth be told, she and Sousuke _had_ come close to consummating their relationship on a number of occasions. Something always seemed to come up. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Maybe they just weren't ready yet.

"You're lying!" With that, Tessa stood up straight, eyes flashing. There was no real good explanation of while she snapped at that point. Maybe it was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. When the ship lurched again, she almost toppled over. "If you'd go so far as to make up stories like _that, _you must be worried or something." She brushed some crumbs off of her sleeves and straightened her blouse. "I guess I should take that as a compliment of sorts." She nodded her head. "Or a sign of hope." Her heart fluttered like a moth only partly snared by a spider's web.

"Uh huh. Sure. You bet." Kaname faked a yawn. "You're just jealous." She stood up too, acting on her instinctive need to meet any challenge. "Turnabout's fair play, I suppose. You sounded so smug when you had him turn off the external sensors for Arbalest, after he rescued us from A21. And, you implied some things that weren't true, back when you brought me onboard that first time and served me tea." She frowned, her thoughts switching to a different set of memories. "I was worried for a bit, when he decided to come to your party instead of getting on the cruise ship with me and the rest of the class." She frowned. She had never admitted that last part to anyone before. "But, you know who won... _right?"_ She struck a pose, hand on her hip.

"Yes," Tessa said, tightening her jaw. "I know who won the battle." She stood straighter, thinking she looked sharper in her uniform than Kaname did in her sweat shirt and dungarees. "But, the war is far from over. Some people thought that Amalgam was too powerful, and that Mithril was finished. You really shouldn't assume anything." What she was saying was true. But, just the same, she had to strive for a sense of true optimism. "I've seen the statistics on teenage romance."

"_Ohhh-hh-h?"_ Kaname put one foot up on the bench she had been seated on. "Well... Little Miss Genius... unless you haven't noticed... you're a teenager too." She tossed her hair. "D'uh!"

"Oh yeh! Here we go!" Kurz leaned back his chair, rocking with the rhythm of the rough sea. "They have each other lined up squarely in the crosshairs." With a great effort of will, Mao abstained from kicking that chair over.

"I won't be teenager forever," Tessa said. "I'll always want to stay in touch with Sousuke. He's helped me with my confidence in ways that no one else ever has." She began fiddling with her hair again. "You always get angry with him. I would never do _that._ You'll be going off to college some day. He probably won't… at least not at the same school… not with _his_ grades…."

"Says who!" Kaname felt incensed. In part, she was defending Sousuke, even though the other girl was right about his grades. But, she also felt one of her old suspicions raise its ugly head. "No doubt_ you'd_ get your hands involved in something like that. Maybe if Mithril made some small donations, colleges would suddenly decide to erase the name 'Sagara' off of their lists." Her nostrils flared ever so slightly. "Pathetic." That last part was said just loud enough for Tessa to hear. Her anger fought with a sudden chill fear. Could she ever go to college? Would Sousuke be there to watch over her, if he didn't gain admission on his own merit? Questions. Her life was so full of questions!

"Is _that_ what you think of me?" Tessa's voice went up a couple of octaves. "Do you really think I'd do something like that to someone I lo-… like…." She had to be careful. That 'love' almost slipped out. "I guess I can see why you might look at things that way. It's real easy to be the damsel in distress, _isn't_ it.…"

"What?" Kaname's eyes went wide. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. That caught her off guard.

"Yes. Poor Kaname Chidori. Kidnapped again." Tessa turned up her nose, talking in a condescending manner. "As if _you_ were the only one who ever gets abducted." She put one of her feet up on her bench. Shorter than Kaname, she couldn't keep up that pose comfortably, or without ending up face first in someone's meal. "Oh… I'm captured again… everybody look at me…." She put a hand on her hip. "Sousuke… please come rescue me… I _need_ you…."

"You…." Kaname found herself picking up her remaining ham. She almost threw it at Tessa.

"It's a lot harder to stay behind… commanding a submarine… with no one coming to _my_ rescue.…" Tessa knew she sounded illogical. She couldn't care less at that moment. "You wouldn't last a day at that job. All you have to do is go to school… sit in class… enjoy a nice lunch with your friends… and scold Sousuke.…" She couldn't believe she was standing up for herself like this. But, that was in part thanks to Sousuke. While he had come out and told her point blank that he like Kaname more, during the _Pacific Chrysalis _incident, that didn't diminish the confidence and hope she felt after an earlier confrontation with Amalgam.

Things had been nip and tuck when the two Chinas were battling, and Amalgam had its tendrils everywhere. Sousuke had not been his usual self. But, in the end, he rediscovered himself… piloted Arbalest again… and defeated five Venoms, each equipped with skilled pilots and the Lambda Driver. He had patched up his relationship with the ARX-7's A.I., and had gone on to face down a hologram of a very irate General Ammitt during a meeting of the Mithril high command. The conversation she had with him right after that tense confrontation would stay with her forever:

"_I still need to tell you…."_

"_Ma'am?"_

"_I'm sorry what I said before."_

"_No. I should apologize for my conduct."_

"_It's OK. I wasn't very dignified. I behaved like a spoiled child back then. But… anyway… I was wondering… are we… are you and I still friends?"_

"_Friends? Ma'am? Well Captain…."_

"_Sergeant?"_

"_If you really do acknowledge me as a friend, Captain, will you forgive me for making a blunt remark?"_

"_Go ahead."_

"_Tessa… I'm really sorry… you are an incredible person. To me, you are not just a superior officer. You're something more important than that. And… if something ever happens… I'll be there for you. Please remember that!"_

After he stammered something more and hurried from the room sweating, she had shouted out 'Tessa... he called me Tessa,' doing a happy little dance until she tripped and fell over in her trademark clumsy way. He had gone away, but came back. He had come out and told her something that she never expected before. If he could do it once, who's to say he couldn't do it again in the future?

"Let's not start with that poor-pitiful-me routine, again!" Kaname dropped her food back onto her plate. She fought the impulse to wipe her hand off on Tessa, before picking up her napkin. "Oh my… it's such a hardship… saving the world…." She took her hair in her hand, formed a rudimentary ponytail, and began fussing with it. "I'm chained to my chair… they force me to do this… I really want to be at school with Sousuke…." She made a snorting noise. "You loved all the attention when you were the little visiting goddess. But, you wouldn't last a week at school, dealing with the things that I do. Sousuke is hardly fun and games."

"He does what he can!" It was Tessa's turn to come to Sousuke's defense, so to speak. "You know what kind of life he lived. We each had our own troubles... but nothing like _his."_ She actually found herself standing up on her bench, so she could look down at Kaname for a change. It wasn't easy, with the TDD-1 pitch up and down as it was. She sighed, when the signal for 'Dive' came over the intercom. She really should be headed to the bridge; but, the crew there knew the routine, and she had told them to proceed without her if she were busy dealing with other issues. "He might have had an easier time of it all, _if_ you offered him encouragement, instead of slapping him down every chance you get."

"You would have done it too, if you weren't so meek." Kaname was not about to let Tessa have the upper hand. She stood on her bench, too. "Besides, you weren't there. He didn't come in and disrupt your world, putting all of your friends and classmates at risk." She crossed her fingers when Tessa's foot slid back, precariously close to an edge. "And I don't smack him around any more!" She followed that up with a silent 'much.'

"That's a convenient excuse, Miss Chidori." Tessa spoke more loudly, moving her hands in animated fashion. "Did you ever think, maybe you're just a violent person. I think you have anger issues." Tessa wind-milled her arms and barely kept from falling backward. "Face it. We _both_ know the truth." She stuck out her chin, feeling braver than she had since the ordeal with Amalgam. "Sousuke puts up with it because he's been through much worse. That's the only reason. Anyone else would have left your side in a heartbeat." She made a face. "I hardly think that it's fair, your taking advantage of him that way."

"_Fair?" _Kaname put both hands on her hips, swaying naturally with the motion of the boat. "You have the nerve to talk about fair?" She threw her hands in the air dramatically. "Sousuke's in more danger around you than he is around me!" She too was oblivious to the growing number of onlookers. "I remember how you almost got him killed, when Takima and his pals captured us."

"What did you say?" Tessa looked incredulous. "_You _were the one who let her cell phone get stolen. And it was your grabbing Takuma that almost left Sousuke dead from that missile." She was actually trembling. "I saw how you looked in the van. You were thinking the same thing, then."

"Like _that _was the worst thing anyone did during that little adventure." Kaname shook a finger in Tessa's face now. "I came knocking at his door to apologize, but you had to peek around the corner dressed in a towel." She didn't care that Tessa hadn't done that on purpose. "Then… when I was angry at Sousuke… and he tried to convince me that you were his commanding officer…." She scowled, remembering the game that the diminutive Captain had played.

"I see," Tessa said, flipping her ponytail towards Kaname's face. "Now you're just bringing up hurt feelings. Admirable. Not the kind of thing I would expect from a Class Representative and the Student Council Vice President." She stood up on the table. "Shame on you. While you're acting so petty, you have the nerve to criticize me. I heard how you went out with that other boy… and how Sousuke kept watch on you anyway…."

"Sousuke and I weren't dating yet!" Kaname stepped up on the table-top, too. "_Now_ who's being petty?"

"Well, if you weren't dating yet, why are you still so upset about the towel? You weren't dating him _then!"_ Tessa surprised herself. She had to quell the impulse to reach out and shove Kaname off of the table. "Does it also bother you that I fell on top of him while we were training, back when I challenged Melissa to an A.S. match?" She thought back to that time at the beach. "Or, that I wriggled around on top of him, not letting him get up?"

"Wow!" Kaname slapped hand to her forehead in dramatic fashion. "That was _sooo-oo-o_ brave!" She laughed. "I hate to ruin those romantic memories for you." Her voice told a different story. "I could tell you any number of things that Sousuke and I do. But, I think it will be more fun to just leave that up to your imagination. _Hmmmpppfff."_ She smiled a triumphant smile. "I bet you don't even know where he's ticklish!" He wasn't. But, Tessa wouldn't know that. At least, she better not!

Kaname finally caught sight of something. She still couldn't get used to Sousuke's stealthy talents. The big lunk-head was standing at the open bulkhead door leading into this side of the small eating area.

How long had he been there?

Following Kaname's eyes, Tessa felt her tongue cleave to the top of her palate. Obviously, she had caught sight of a certain someone, too. Just how much of their boorish behavior had he witnessed?

Hey… Sis…." With an evil grin, Kurz spoke directly into Mao's ear. "Want to have some fun?" He suggested a plan of action.

"Welll-ll-l… look who it is…" Melissa practically oozed from her seat, having agreed to take part in Kurz' little joke. "The guest of honor…." She sauntered over to where Sousuke stood silently. "I guess this is as good a time as any to make our big announcement." That had Sousuke cocking his head quizzically, clueless to the coming set-up. "The man of the hour."

"You mean 'boy,' don't you, Babe?" Kurz spoke in a mock incredulous tone.

"No. I mean man." Melissa reached out and goosed Sousuke in the crotch. That had the stunned young man going white as a sheet. Kaname and Tessa were shocked even more than he was. "After last night, there can no longer be any doubt." She waved her hand flippantly. "But… we probably should have used a condom…."

"Huh? WHAT?!" Kurz' shout rang throughout the hallway outside the eatery. "Sousuke… you… you… you _traitor!"_ The lanky sniper stood up abruptly, knocking dinnerware this way and that. "I thought you were my friend! You know that Mao was mine to bag!" He kicked a tray out of his way as he advanced on his two teammates. "So that's why the two of you disappeared last night." In actuality, Sousuke and Melissa had been with him, looking over the files of possible future SRT members. But, neither Kaname nor Tessa knew that.

"Melissa!" Tessa was the first of the girls to react. Her eyes were wide and her heart was thumping in her chest. She was too discombobulated to realize that it was all a set-up. The fact that Melissa wrapped around Sousuke and gave him a long kiss didn't help her get her thoughts in order. "That… you… he…."

"Very funny!" Kaname tried to sound cool. She had seen through the joke, more because of her past experiences with Kurz and Melissa than her trust in Sousuke. But, for a brief moment she had been just as lambasted as the other Whispered girl, her immediate surprise running the gamut from hurt to burning rage. She forced herself to breath normally. "I can't believe how immature the two of you are." She glared at Sousuke in an accusatory fashion. "At least _you_ should have known better, Mister!" She turned up her nose at him and then faced away.

"I was unaware of Lt. Mao's intentions," Sousuke replied. He jumped when Melissa reached over and pinched his buttock. "It may be that you are the one who should have known better." Kurz and Melissa had threatened to take a giant A-S spanner wrench to the back of his head if he didn't start to stand up for his rights. They had been on his case from the first time that Kaname had berated him after they left Tokyo for Merida. "And it is very interesting that you brought up the subject of maturity."

"Why's that, Sousuke?" Kurz was still grinning. He held his hands out in front of his chest, pantomiming a full set of breasts. "Kaname's a _very_ mature girl, if you know what I mean." He looked over at Tessa. Before he could add anything, he had the air knocked out of him by a Mao round-house kick.

"Give it a rest," Melissa growled, inexplicably going from co-conspirator to judge and jury in the blink of an eye.

"Yes," Kaname said with deceptive calm, ignoring Kurz' antics. "Why _is_ that?" Her eyebrows shot up. She couldn't help bet clench her fists for a moment. "I'm sure you'll have a very good answer." Subconsciously, she had reverted to her old style of keeping Sousuke in line first, and asking questions later. It really wasn't necessary anymore, since he wasn't quite the terror he had been during his first few months at Jindai High. But, by trying to dictate his actions, she felt some psychological reassurance that she might somehow be able to make her own life normal again. "You _better_," she added in an inaudible whisper.

"Isn't it obvious?" Sousuke met Kaname's gaze and didn't look away. When she didn't answer her own question, he continued. "We are onboard a submarine. We all have a duty to perform, or the obligation to stay out of the way of those who do. We should set an example for those we work with." That comment had Melissa smiling and Kurz rolling his eyes. Sousuke Sagara? An example? God help Mithril and the free world if everyone had his penchant for death and destruction! "I did not expect to see my commanding officer and my Student Council Representative starting a catfight."

Sousuke took his relationship with Kaname very seriously. It was funny how things had changed... how _he _had changed. At first, dropped into the unfamiliar environment of a Japanese high school, he had been at a loss, and had seen Kaname more as a mission than a friend or classmate. Then, over time, the two had grown closer and closer, until things reached a point where his heart knew where he stood long before his head did. He took a deep breath without knowing, thinking back to the day he was told that he would be leaving Tokyo for good. Those emotions had been real. Too real. He had almost slipped away, losing everything he had recently gained, before Kaname had found him with Wraith's help and gave him reason to live again.

Still, he hadn't truly realized the depths of his feelings then. His understanding still hadn't completely crystallized when he gave her the Lapis Lazuli as a gift, after the cruise ship incident. The final revelation had come later, after his days at Nam Sak, in Southeast Asia, where he had come to find out information about Kaname's whereabouts. He had become the pilot for an A-S team in a Gladiator-style sport. The captain of this team, Nami, another Whispered girl, had been kidnapped by Kurama, who cold-bloodedly murdered her when Sousuke didn't reveal himself. That brutal act had prompted the Mithril soldier to on a rampage of death and destruction to find the killer later on.

Wrestling with thoughts about his own bloodthirsty nature, Sousuke had worked his way through mental gymnastics much like those that Kaname had independently faced. To reach Kaname, people had been sacrificed. He had let an innocent girl die. He had killed and killed again, while others had been trying to kill him. Kaname was a symbol of tranquility and kindness to him. But, the way he let hatred consume him… the way that he hurt others and committed acts of murder in her name…that could only be hurtful to her.

He didn't give up searching for her, though. Despite his belief that he was carrying far too much karma, and that there was an irreparable tear in his life and the world as a whole, he kept going. He had his burning hatred for Kurama. That wasn't what drove him, once his blood red rage subsided. Any information he could dig up about Amalgam was also of interest. But, that wasn't what spurred him on either, even though he still felt some tenuous connection to Kurz, Melissa, and the others. He hadn't been pushed along by some hope to regain the exact same life he and Kaname had before the abduction, since he had grown certain that things could never be that way in the end.

The true and final answer hit him when he finally faced off against his most recent nemesis. He had been injured by Kurama's bomb trap, and had been shot multiple times by his foe. The bloody bastrad may well have finished him, had a second set of enemies appeared without warning. When the French Special forces that had attacked him in the Munamera Mountains had arrived, distracting his adversary with their sudden attack, Sousuke had managed to do unto Kurama what Kurama had done unto him. Before Michel Lemon had directed the foreign forces to give him First Aid, he had managed to crawl next to Kurama, the two men headed towards death at each other's hand. Their conversation stuck in his mind.

_"Tell me. Where is Chidori?"_

_"What do you...plan to do about it?" _

_"Save her."_

_"Aren't you an idiot..." _

_"Please tell me."_

_"Sorry… I'm content to bite my tongue and die."_

_"Please tell me."_

_"I don't get it...why...did you and I...kill each other?"_

_"Her."_

_"Driven by the power of love, huh? Don't make me laugh." _

_"What's wrong with that? Tell me where she is. Please."_

_"San Carlos. If not there… then Nicaro… or Grenada. Some place like that. I don't know any more than that."_

Sousuke understood that it had been love driving him. Love for Kaname. He had even admitted that to her as she flew out of his grasp yet again, when Amalagam agents had spirited her away by helicopter when he had been so close. When he had found her again… when she was finally safe… the two had made one another promises. He wouldn't take back a single word. But, that didn't mean he would stand mutely by any time she started doing things that were wrong. The same went for Tessa, for whom he had a warm place in his blossoming heart, and for whom he had the greatest respect. He had only one prime thought at that moment: enough is enough!

"But… we weren't… not really..." Tessa looked over at Sousuke. Her face pinked up some. She thought about her recent blow up with Kaname, realizing just how it must have looked to an observer. She had gotten so wound up in her emotion that the world had shrunken to contain herself and her blue-haired rival, no one else.

"Cat fight?" Kaname wrinkled up her nose. As a hamster owner, and tropical fish keeper, she never had room for cats. And, even though she had spent time in America, she had somehow managed to escape learning what 'cat fight' meant in the standard vernacular.

"Yes," Sousuke said. "Do we have any cat owners here?" He saw a number of hands go up from crew members who had pretended to be busy while watching the growing confrontation. "I'm sure you will all confirm certain things that I may make reference to."

"There shouldn't be too many people here. We were preparing to leave port, last time I checked." Tessa's quiet words had their intended effect. Male and female crewmembers alike quickly headed to their posts.

"It is good to see that you retain your leadership abilities under these conditions," Sousuke remarked, seeing his corroborators vanish. "No doubt, our comrades could have told us that cats are rather territorial animals. They fight with other cats to establish territory or to defend existing territory." Tessa's brief rosy glow of girlish pride at Sousuke's initial comment quickly gave way to a look of pique.

"How long do you think he makes it," Kurz whispered to Mao, taking a wad of bills out of his pocket. The conversation had taken on a rather familiar patina. Sousuke was headed for trouble. Big trouble.

"I say five minutes," Melissa replied, counting out an equivalent amount of money. "Tops."

"You're on," Kurz retorted with a boyish grin and a roguish twinkle in his eyes. "Loser has to carry him to the infirmary."

"Or mop up the blood," Mao quipped.

"As I was saying before, a catfight is... by definition... a physical confrontation between two felines." He blinked rapidly, hearing Kaname growl. He almost expected to see her grow a tail or sprout a pair of perky cat ears, like girls in some anime shows. "More commonly, the term 'catfight' is used as a slang term for an altercation… usually physical…between two women."

"Amen," Kurz mouthed, rubbing his hands together. He locked his hands behind his head and leaned back against a steely wall.

Tessa and Kaname turned to look at one another. They both immediately looked down at their feet. The nature of their behavior sounded even worse when someone spoke about it.

"In anime, manga, and movies, cat fights are stereotyped as involving slapping, scratching, hair-pulling, and sometimes biting… but, not usually punching or kicking…." Sousuke rubbed his chin, remembering something he had read on the internet after he had overheard Kurz praying for a real life catfight. "It can also be used to describe two human females insulting one another verbally, or being unpleasant to one another. I am certain that the two of you can see what I am referring to."

Tessa nodded. Kaname looked over at Sousuke, not knowing if she should feel sheepish about her behavior, or angry at the fact that a certain baka saw fit to lecture her. He was hardly Mr. Socially Adept.

Far from it!

Sousuke had the two girls where he wanted them, emotionally speaking. Of course, being who he was, he didn't know that. He should have stopped while he was ahead. An analogy in his terms would have helped him see the error of his ways: a scout, sent only to assess the strength of the enemy and return, foolishly decides to engage a numerically superior force, jeopardizing the success he had.

"In cats, aggression is the number two feline behavior problem reported to behaviorists…." Sousuke nodded his head, as if he were some kind of cat sage. "…Second only to inappropriate elimination…." He didn't notice how Tessa's eyes went very wide, and how Kaname's quickly narrowed. The topic of feline bodily functions was only slightly less inflammatory than calling out their childish behavior. "Cats show several different types of aggression including status-related or dominance aggression; fear aggression; territorial aggression; and redirected aggression." After ticking off points on his fingers, he tried to give both girls a stern look, adding "You two are _not _cats." By that he meant 'so you should be able to control your actions better than small furry animals.'

"That's what _you_ think," Mao whispered under her breath, chuckling, eyeing the younger women. If the two had tails, they would be twitching violently, or sticking straight out.

""It was not pleasant, hearing the things that I heard." Sousuke met Kaname's eyes without flinching. After a moment, she nodded and began twiddling her fingers. That was unlike her. "Especially since my name was mentioned repeatedly without provocation. But, at least things did not progress to… what I mean to say is…." He stopped to clear his throat.

"Sousuke?" Kurz raised one eyebrow. "Cat got your tongue?" That bad pun earned him a knee in the groin from Mao. He folded up like a cot, but fought to focus on Sousuke and the conversation as best he could. Pain or no pain, he didn't want to miss the fireworks display he knew must be coming. Kurz prided himself in being a 'trouble barometer.'

"Negative," Sousuke answered. "It is not a problem. I will continue." He straightened up unconsciously. "Many catfights in fictional situations end with at least one of the participants missing several articles of clothing. Cat fighting is also a popular subject amongst pornographic films, depicting multiple women in sexually suggestive and combative situations." He cleared his throat again. "All I am saying is we are fortunate that things didn't progress that far."

"Heh heh heh _hehhh-hh-h_…" Kurz smiled. "Speak for yourself, Sousuke my boy." He struck one of his model poses, much like the ones that had graced the cover of TAG magazine. "I wish you had waited until they were tearing off each others clothes before you let them see you." A stray whistle came from a passing sailor. It was obvious that Kurz wasn't the only one holding that view.

Tessa turned bright red, imagining what that would be like. Looking over at Kaname, she saw the other girl wasn't looking at the lanky blonde pilot. She was glowering at Sousuke.

"Is _that_ what you thought we might end up doing, Mister?" Kaname stepped over to stare up at Sousuke's face. "You thought we might put on some kind of show for you? _Pervert!"_ She stepped hard on his toes.

"N-N-N-…" Sousuke winced. That was painful! "…Negative. I received word that the two of you were fighting again. I thought that such behavior was unseemly, and could do nothing to build good morale."

"Why do guys like cat fights, anyway?" One woman asked truly looking puzzled. She was speaking to another female crewmate. The two of them had stopped to see what all of the fuss was about.

"Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other, there's a chance they might somehow kiss." One engineer thought he would win a round of laughter and applause from his buddies, quoting something he had heard in a Seinfeld episode. He got a number of nasty stares from the ladies present. They wouldn't be talking to him again, any time soon.

"No," another arriving guy said, braving the looks that the ladies gave him. "Men enjoy these little brawls for the same reason they like women's tennis." He smiled. "The grunting and the sweating are exciting." He brought his fingers to his lips and made a gesture. "It just is. We can't help it…." That set off a growing discussion among the reforming crowd.

"Exactly! Couldn't say it any better myself," Kurz said. "I _used_ to think that girls were sugar and spice and everything nice." He chuckled lewdly. "I'm always glad to be proven wrong."

"So Sergeant Smart Guy…." Kaname's righteous indignation had chased away the remainder of her embarrassment and culpability for the moment. "Let's here _you_ answer that question." She ignored Tessa's 'You of all people should know better than to keep him talking' look while frantically waving her hands. "And you better not say anything stupid like those other guys did!"

"I have not had sufficient time to research that aspect of catfights, yet." Sousuke spoke in a matter-of-fact fashion. "Having heard others suggest that the growing altercations between you and Captain Testarossa might soon develop into just such a skirmish, I first sought information on the subject in general."

"I loaned him some video-tapes," Kurz offered helpfully, fighting hard to look innocent. "Some really sexxx-xx-xy ones. Maybe you want to see some of them with him. Heh heh heh…." He stepped further away from Mao. "In my favorite, one of the girls looks like Lieutenant Babe here." He hooked a thumb in Melissa's direction before scrambling further out f reach. "If Kaname turns you down, you could always ask Tessa. Oh yeh!" While he didn't know that the term 'redirected agression' referred to a form of aggressive behavior where a household cat will attack the nearest object when excessively stimulated by some other object, he had a very good grasp on the concept as it applied to Sousuke and the two girls.

"Wh-… Wh-… _What?!"_ Tessa looked offended at first. Then, a far-away look on her face, she began fantasizing just what such a situation might be like. Naturally, Kaname caught sight of that look and clenched her teeth.

"I wish someone would put him out of my misery," Kaname said with a hand on her forehead while referring to the blonde irritant.

"I never watched those videos," Sousuke admitted, more out of his general need to be factual rather than any desire to placate a grumpy-looking Kaname. "My initial information came from Wikipedia, through Google." He had been surprised to find that Mithril personnel were secretly behind the creation of both of those internet phenomena. The money from the two companies' stock helped pay much of the organization's bills stemming from rebuilding and restructuring. "As I understand it, the love of catfights has led to the rise in popularity of women in prison films…."

"They'd look hot in stripes!" Kurz ducked behind one unlucky sailor who took Mao's drink container in the face instead of him.

"...Roller derby…." Souske was interrupted again.

"Sweee-eee-ee-et!" Kurz clapped his hands together loudly. "Hey, Sousuke. Has Kaname rolled _your_ derby yet?"

"Uhhh…." Sousuke coughed. "Negative. I will continue. World Wrestling Entertainment women's wrestling is an offshoot of the craze I was discussing. And…."

"In this corner, we have the Platinum Bombshell, Captain Teletha Testarossa, super smart and weighing next to nothing." Kurz sounded like a famous and popular fight announcer. "And in this corner, we have the Bi-Polar Blue Bullet, Miss Kaname Chidori, very athletic and wearing next to nothing." Kurz grinned a big grin, feeling like he was a true master of ceremonies. He didn't hear the footsteps behind him.

"I see. A most commendable rendition, Sgt. Major Weber." Commander Mardukas had just then arrived on the scene, headed for the command area, where he had expected to find the Captain. "It's heart-warming to see the level of respect you have for your commanding officer and for our guest." Even though Kurz was the target of that reprimand, it was Sousuke who began sweating the most. Mardukas still had that effect on him.

"I was merely using the power of laughter to defuse the situation, Sir." Kurz knew there really wasn't much that Mardukas would do to him. "I bravely volunteered to be a common enemy, so that the two combatants would forget about each other and join together in peace and harmony to confront a greater foe." He kept a straight face when Mao swore under her breath and hung her head.

"I see." Mardukas remained as stone-faced as always, barely managing to keep a look of disgust from decorating his features. "And… Sergeant Major Sagara… it seems you do indeed have some knowledge outside of military matters." That was a subtle and sarcastic dig. He still felt personally affronted anytime the Captain showed him one of Sousuke's high school transcripts. "Please. Don't mind me. Continue…." This would give him ample opportunity to see if his young subordinate had shone any improvement in judgment.

"Sir! Yes, Sir!" Sousuke fought the urge to salute. His perspiration increased. "You will appreciate the military connection, Sir! 'Catfight' was a new word created from the words 'cat' and 'fight.' It was formed as analogism to the existing word 'dog-fight'." He relaxed his stance some, sounding as if he were quoting things from a manual or mission plan. "As you know... a dog-fight is aerial combat between fighter aircrafts…."

"Big jerk," Kaname said. "I _knew_ he had to throw something military in there." That was just for show. While she still wasn't fond of that tendency, she knew it was and always would be a part of the man she loved. By the same fashion, it was her tendency to control, complain, and coerce.

"As such, the dog-fighting that I am speaking of is different from the canine battles held in rural areas of some countries," Sousuke offered as a means of clarification. "Despite my efforts, I do not have an historical reference for the term 'dog fight.' I do know however, that dog-fighting emerged the first World War. Aircraft were initially used simply as mobile observation vehicles, and early pilots gave no thought to aerial combat. It was common for enemy pilots to simply exchange waves of the hand. But, more intrepid pilots decided to interfere with enemy reconnaissance by any means available, including throwing bricks, grenades and sometimes rope, which they hoped would entangle the enemy plane's propeller. This progressed to pilots firing hand-held guns at enemy planes."

Mardukas nodded his heads. He was a fond fan of all things historic. He had a special fondness for any war or battle involving the United Kingdom. As one might expect, neither Kaname nor Tessa were cut from the same cloth.

"Once combat designers and mechanics mounted machine guns on aircraft... either in a turret or higher on the wings of the early biplanes... the era of air combat began." Sousuke had miraculously forgotten why he started talking in the first place. That had Melissa looking at him with a fond smile. He truly was one-of-a-kind. "The Germans acquired early air superiority due to the invention of synchronization gear. Furthermore, during the first part of the war, there was no established tactical doctrine for air-to-air combat. Oswald Boelcke was the first to analyze the tactics of aerial warfare. Many of his concepts are still applicable today, including use of sun and altitude, surprise attack, and turning to meet a threat. It-"

"AHEM!"Commander Mardukas had seen Tessa wringing her hands, not wanting to interrupt Sousuke and risk his being upset with her. Always looking to help the diminutive young woman as best he could, he acted to short-circuit the young man's circuitous words. "You're thoughts have gone off course, Sgt. Major Sagara." His eyes clearly said 'again.' "Perhaps I should purchase a compass for you..."

"I apologize." Sousuke stood taller. "Dog-fights. Where the name came from. I should finish addressing that. Having seen fights between stray dogs when I was a child, I can provide a comparison that makes sense. Dogs chase each other's tails. One moment they are up. The next, and they are down. They roll around. Because the aircraft speeds were less then 100 mph, the fighters remained in close proximity during a fight, and to an observer on the ground the similarity to a fight between dogs would come easily."

"Sousuke…enough with the military mumbo jumbo..."" Kaname had heard more than enough. Her anger at Tessa had all but vanished. She had her guns set on a figurative observation balloon with Sousuke's face on it.

"Nowadays, with the speeds and armaments of jet aircraft, most engagement is spread over miles." Souske was on auto-pilot in a figurative sense. There's a good chance that he didn't even hear Kaname's admonition. "As such, the term dogfight may not be as appropriate. However, it is still used. In a tactical sense, prior to the Vietnam War, and due to the development of missiles, it was thought that the dogfight become a thing of the past. The primary U.S. fighter of that day...the F4 Phantom... was designed without guns."

"Honey…." Kurz risked death or painful dismemberment, reaching out to put an arm around Mao in mock fashion. "...Our boy had grown up. He's become a fine otaku."

"At least he's good at _something,"_ Mao remarked, knocking off the arm. "Unlike someone else I know…."

"Babe… that hurts…." Kurz sniffed and rubbed at one eye, enjoying the traditional banter with his team leader.

"It is possible for a pilot to get a missile 'lock on' at night... in the clouds...and miles before he can see his enemy." Souske was on a verbal rampage. He had gotten more and more into that habit after returning from his perilous quest to find Kaname. At first, Kaname had been gratified to hear him open up more and more. But, when he had felt that he had told her enough about his adventures, and about his early life, his newfound garrulous tongue began espousing military topics again. "However, the rules of engagement as applied in that conflict in Vietnam required that the pilot have visual identification before he could fire missiles. In many instances, pilots of the American aircraft didn't get a visual until they were too close to fire a missile, taking away the advantage of surprise and the advantage of high tech armaments. So a gun was designed for the F4 and the dogfight was reborn. Modern day fighters have guns and missiles, and the dogfight is an integral part of fighter pilot training. I am certain that any of the pilots onboard could…."

"**AHEM!!!"** Mardukas was even louder this time. "I believe you started off talking about catfights, not dog-fighting, missle-lock, or past regional conflicts in the Asian sub-continent. Perhaps you should return to your task."

"It might have been better if Sousuke's talking had him forgetting that topic," Tessa offered, rubbing her fingers together. That had Mardukas looking somewhat sheepish, a site few of them had every seen before. But, in actuality, it was Tessa herself who missed the most golden of golden opportunities. She could simply have ordered Sousuke to let the subject drop. He would have done so immediately and without any qualms.

Kaname, in the old days, would have put an end to things in quick and demonstrative fashion. But, in the here and now, she had given up striking her favorite soldier with the trusty paper fan. That didn't mean she never felt the urge, however. A 'phantom limb' is the sensation that an amputated or missing body part is still attached to the body, and is moving appropriately with other limbs. More than half of amputees experience these sensations. In similar fashion, the blue-haired girl was experiencing 'phantom halisen.'

"I… yes… my apologies…." Mardukas said. He flexed his fingers, looking at Sousuke out of the corner of his eyes. "You are correct, Madame Captain."

The words 'perhaps you should return to your task ' rang in Sousuke's ears like the sound of an 18 inch gun firing at close range. That suggestion, coming from the Commander, was enough to freeze his synapses and to lock him onto a single path of action. "Returning to my mission, Sir!" Eyes locked forward, he didn't see Mardukas give him a curt 'end report' hand gesture. "On popular television, catfights are often seen on Soap Operas, much like the type that I witnessed Commander Mardukas watching when I accidentally walked into the wrong ready room."

"I…." Mardukas spread his hands wide as if to deny the truth, and then let his arms drop. He began thinking of new chores to add to the duty roster. He knew to whom he would assign them.

"Catfights, real or strategically faked, have become a hallmark of The Jerry Springer Show talk show." Sousuke looked over at Tessa, who had a deer-in-the-headlights 'He's not going to say what I think he is, is he' look. "Captain Testarossa seems to be quite fond of that program." That had Kurz looking as if he had found a huge gold nugget while panning in a stream.

"But…." Tessa looked like she wanted to turn into a liquid and seep through the cracks in the floor. Her pride took an even bigger hit when she saw the look in Kaname's eyes.

"Racy beer commercials have raised the profile of catfights in recent pop culture." Sousuke plowed ever onward, unaware of the embarrassment he was leaving in his wake, or the 'Rain Checks' for punishment he was accruing. "Comedy movies have staged similar scenes that are meant to be both titillating and a parody of titillation." He was obviously quoting the text he had read.

"Don't say it," Melissa warned Kurz. She correctly surmised that her fellow team member was going to say something like 'Sousuke said tit' in best _Bevis and Butthead_ or _South Park_ fashion.

"Catfights show up on animated sitcoms. They are very popular on YouTube." Sousuke nodded his head. He knew about that website. Many of his gladitorial A-S fights had shown up there, thanks to one of the technicians on Nami's staff. "They have also been commemorated in song." That started Kurz humming 'Girl Fight Tonight!' by Julie Brown. "There are several distributors of catfight videos on DVD or as downloads from the internet. Most of those videos feature women who are topless or completely nude."

"Sousuke…." Kaname began tapping her toes against the steel flooring.

"The fights are carried out in improvised boxing rings... out in nature... in gyms... or in apartments." Sousuke looked straight ahead, so as to keep from seeing Mardukas' visage. If he had spied that face, he would have noticed a look of exasperation and disbelief, as the Commander struggled to puzzle out how a young man who was so adept at picking out signs of danger during combat could miss the obvious warning signs coming from Miss Chidori. "Just like the so-called Foxy Boxing, these catfights appear to be more an erotic entertainment than real fights."

"Sous-kaaaa-aa-ay…." Kaname's one food was beating out a staccato rhythm now.

"Indeed, it is nothing like real combat, even though the ancient Greeks once fought naked in the arena." Sousuke rambled on, oblivious to the looks on everyone but Commander Mardukas. Perhaps his verbal onslaught was akin to anything he considered a mission. Other than that time in Hong Kong, where Kaname had brought him back to his old self in a rather quick and painful manner, he never considered pulling up short during an assignment. "Techniques of beating and kicking that can cause pain to the opponent are often merely faked and not really carried out. Sometimes it is the goal of the fight to rip the clothing off the opponent from the start, or to simply rip off the last remaining garment such as a… uhhh-hh-h… slip or… uhhh-hh-h… thong". Sousuke coughed twice to clear his throat. "For nude catfighting sometimes the participants cover their bodies with baby oil. This is for erotic effect. I do not think that there is any similarity to the Turkish _Yagli Gures_, where barefoot athletes compete oiled up and stripped to the waist in a style that can be traced back to the Janissaries, a group of elite body guards to the Imperial Sultans. They-" He was cut off.

"**S-O-U-S-U-K-E-!" **Kaname's eyes flashed as she stomped her foot. She knew how she sounded, over-reacting that way in front of everyone. But, she couldn't help herself.

"Kaname?" Sousuke cocked his head, looking over at his girlfriend. He then glanced down at his feet, feeling a bit chastened. As clueless as he might still be, he had begun to see himself through other people's eyes. He was making progress, but there was a long way to go.

"Sergeant Major Sagara," Mardukas started off saying, his voice as cold and unyielding as the armor on the newest Arm Slaves sitting in the Da Danaan's launch bay. "Was this really what you wanted to tell your Captain and our guest when you first spoke up?" It was a rhetorical question. But, he knew it was never wise to assume anything about the young scar-faced soldier.

"Sir, no Sir!" Sousuke began sweating heavily again, soon resembling a human Niagra Falls, much the same way he did that first time Kaname ever lay eyes on a towel-wrapped Tessa. "I was merely doing my best to answer Miss Chidori's query into the popularity of catfights. With sufficient information, someone as clever as her should be able to arrive at the conclusion on her own, Sir!"

"Sometimes, I don't envy you," Tessa admitted to Kaname. The other girl simply sighed.

"I apologize! I should switch over to my main objective," Sousuke put in quickly. "I spoke with a number of Mithril counselors by radio." By that, he meant combat psychologists and general psychiatrists. "I discussed the issue with each of them, looking for insight."

"You better not have mentioned my name," Kaname growled.

"Or mine either!" Tessa looked embarrassed, thinking that her name might be bandied about in that fashion. She came from a family that kept its 'dirty laundry' to itself.

"Yes… well… to continue…." Sousuke coughed again, resuming his report. "For various reasons, many women yearn for direction and control. Some act very self-conscious and defensive. They…."

"Sergeant Major…." Mardukas straightened his collar. "As your senior officer…and a more seasoned gentleman…." The stress he put on that last word carried a number of different connotations. "I would strongly suggest you move on to a safer topic."

"But…." Sousuke stopped, nodded his head, and regrouped. When Kaname and Tessa settled down more, that might be the appropriate time to discuss his findings. As each of them were more than happy to discuss his shortcomings, they would be reasonable when the boot was on the other foot, wouldn't they? "Safer topic? Yes, Sir. As you suggest, Sir." He thought a moment more. His recalled the other people he had contacted. No one could take offense at their mention.

Kurz held up a small amount of money and winked at Mao. She looked at Sousuke… sighed… and then nodded, agreeing to another bet. The urge for a cigarette had grown near unbearable.

"Before speaking with the counselors, I called a number of veterinarians who worked for Mithril." They were men and women who primarily worked with the trained dolphins in Mithril service. But, they also dealt with guard dogs and the personal pets of base personnel.

"Veterinarians?"Kaname frowned. The big stupid head was worried about her and Tessa, so he called veterinarians?! How was she supposed to feel about _that?_

"Ah…." Commander Mardukas grimaced and closed his eyes.

"Bingo!" Kurz grabbed his winnings out of Melissa's hand.

"I grew up in the alleys of Kabul," Sousuke said, thinking back to his early days as an orphan, before joining the Afghan freedom fighters. "I had seen many fights between cats. Some were quite brutal, leaving the combatants scarred or worse."

"So we're cats, are we?" Kaname curled her fingers into claws. One of her ears twitched. "It was bad enough, calling our little discussion a cat fight…."

"Right." Tessa looked over at Sousuke. If she had a tail, it would be twitching.

"Appearances can be deceiving," Sousuke said in response. "In life as in combat." He stood legs apart, arms behind his back, as if he were preparing to lecture a group of greenhorns. "Sometimes, the way that cats play does not seem all that different than the way that cats fight." Sousuke stood straighter, feeling more in control. He was not about to back down. This was for Kaname's own good. Tessa's, too. He needed be succinct and to the point, so that they did not grow disinterested after all of his previous talking. "Perhaps you are correct. Perhaps you were merely playing. But, for both your sakes, I need to remain vigilant." He squared his shoulders. "Cat play often involves chasing… swatting… hissing… and nipping." He thought a moment. "The parallels may well fit."

"Really?" Kaname looked deceptively calm. "Funny you should mention swatting…." Her eyes flashed.

"Hissing?" Tessa felt her face grow warm. She felt very self conscious again. She looked down at her feet and twiddled her fingers.

"Yes, Captain." Sousuke would never call her 'Tessa' with Mardukas within thirty paces of him. "Hissing can be seen when cats are playing, and when they are fighting. It is not a defining characteristic by itself." He put his hand to his chin and continued. "First, one should take note of the animals' prior behavior." Sousuke began walking back and forth as he spoke. The random group of onlookers quickly backed out of his way. "If you know that the two cats in question have never been friendly to each other, then chances are what you are witnessing is fighting." He looked over at Kaname and Tessa again. "It has always been difficult to judge the relationship between the two of you."

"Oh?" Kaname made a sour face. "Funny you should mention relationships, too." If she had whiskers, they would be standing straight out now.

Tessa blinked rapidly, her initial feeling of unease giving way to a tiny bubble of hope. She smiled. If Kaname somehow decided to dump Sousuke, that would open the door for _her_. "You tell him, Kaname!" That had Kaname going stiff. She came to the same conclusion. This time she gave Tessa a dirty look.

"That is precisely the type of thing I am making reference to." Sousuke put his hands behind his back. He nodded, when Mardukas straightened his cap. "Cat fighting is something that should be stopped at all costs since it can lead to disease transmission. It can also lead to serious wounds, with or without significant infections." He ran a hand through his hair.

"That's true." That comment came from the ship's doctor, who had been on her way to update some charts when she saw the silent crowd. By the look on Miss Chidori's face, and the resignation on Commander Mardukas', she wondered if her First Aid skills might come in handy. "But... remember... the bite of a human can be even more dangerous from the bite of a cat or dog." Her point was lost on Sousuke.

"Ma'am?" Sousuke stared at the doctor a moment, before turning back to Kaname and Tessa. "Observation is key. The veterinarians were quite adamant about that point. If you are unsure if the cats are playing or fighting, rely on your ears and eyes. They mentioned particulars. Screaming is a sure sign that the cats are fighting. Your voices had gotten rather loud and shrill."

"Well, geee-ee-e…thank you, Sousuke… thank you for letting us know that... thanks a whole lot." Kaname laced her fingers together and cracked her knuckles. Her voice and Tessa's had reminded him of the yowling of two cats? It was official know. Official and irrevocable. Sousuke had just damned himself, as far as she was concerned. Anything else was just icing on the cake.

"One cat being overly dominant is another sign of fighting." Sousuke nodded, looking at Tessa. "But… to be honest… I was uncertain at first. In cat play, the roles shift. It looked as if Tessa was getting the best of things for a while."

"I always thought that he was one of my brightest soldiers," Tessa said, preening. "Despite what some people said." She looked at Mardukas, who met her eyes sternly.

"T-…T-… Tessa?" Kaname's mouth fell open. Then, her anger returned. "You thought that _she_ was getting the best of _me?_"

"Finally, and perhaps most importantly, in cat play… except for accidents… neither of the two cats gets hurt." Sousuke spoke very sternly. "I was unsure about either of your intentions. Kaname picked up the food, as if it were a weapon. Tessa held her hands up, as if she was contemplating pushing Kaname. It is good that things stopped things where they did."

"I think we can _all_ agree with that." Mardukas spoke with a sense of finality. "It is very important to know when to stop. Do you understand me, Sergeant Major Sagara?'" The Commander's suggestion was bordering on being an order. But, he wouldn't go so far as to make things official, since he would feel that he was going over the Captains head, with her standing there.

"Yes, Sir! I completely agree, Sir!" Naturally, Sousuke read things wrong again. "I am certain that Captain Testarossa and Miss Chidori will come away with that understanding. If not, severe actions may need to be taken. As a comparison, I will mention that cat experts insist that in cases of serious aggression amongst cats that share the same environment before they are reintroduced to one another over a bowl of food. That would be the simplest of their suggestions."

"What are some of the others, Sousuke old chum?" Kurz grinned. He didn't want the game to end just yet.

"Let me see…." Sousuke had a faraway look as he tried to remember just what he had heard. "Ah. Yes. Now I remember." He held up one finger. "You should neuter all cats…."

"Neuter?" Kaname stiffened. Next to her, Tessa froze. She mouthed 'neuter.'

"Affirmative," Sousuke replied. He knew that he was talking about cats. He also knew that the girls knew he was talking about cats. What was there to worry about? He held up a second finger. "One should also keep nails and claws trimmed as short as possible to lessen the chance of injury."

"Too late," Melissa said under her breath. She looked at Sousuke with a slight sense of sympathy. Tessa and Kaname had long fingernails. Both girls looked down at their hands before focusing their attention on the young soldier again.

"It may also be wise to place bells on the cats, so you can determine where they are." Sousuke had a third finger up now. "The bells must be loud and have different tones allowing you to distinguish the cats. This will also allow the cats to know each other's whereabouts so there will be less chance for a surprise attack."

"That's actually a good idea." The remark had everyone standing aghast. They couldn't believe who said it. It had been Commander Mardukas! "I mean… that is to say… for cats…." The comment had just slipped out. But, the look in the Captain's and blue-haired Whispered girl informed him that they knew the true gist of his interjection. He clenched his teeth and looked at Sousuke, blaming the boy for his own slip of the tongue.

"Tessa would look so cute with a bell," Kurz said, adding fuel to the fire again. "Kaname, too." he gave Sousuke a comradely elbow in the gut. "And you get to choose whose bell you want to ring."

"Uhhh…." Sousuke got Kurz' meaning on that last sly joke. He had finally stopped sweating just moments before. Now, his collar was even wetter than before. "I…." He coughed.

"Bells, Sousuke?" Kaname clenched her fists. "Are you saying Tess and I should wear bells?" If Sousuke every truly suggested that, there would be some 'wringing' alright! She'd wring his otaku neck!

"One should also make sure to set aside ten to fifteen minutes every day for each cat for interactive playtime." Sousuke reached into his shirt pocket and removed a cylindrical silver object. With a twist, he turned it on. "It is a good idea to encourage continuous aerobic play with laser pens, feather wands, or toys on strings to reduce anxiety and release energy." He deftly did an imitation of that, causing a small red got of bright light to dance and dart about in front of Tessa's feet. That was where the nearest open floor space was.

"Sagara…." Tessa looked somewhat cross, as if she thought Sousuke were purposefully making fun of her. Still, she had to fight some primal urge to trap the dot of light with her foot. That had her blushing again.

"Sousuke is the only person I know who would try to get out of a pit by digging downward," Melissa remarked quietly to Kurz.

""You know it!" Kurz smiled.

"If those measures prove ineffective, there are others." Sousuke felt the tension begin to leech out of his tense and taught muscles. He was nearly finished. Things should be right and good after his efforts. "One can rub each cat daily with a towel that has the other cat's scent, to familiarize each cat with the other's odor."

"Euwww-ww-w…." Kaname looked at Tessa and made a face.

"No way! No way! Now way!" Tessa should her head vehemently.

"It is good that there will be no more fighting." Sousuke picked up a napkin and used it to mop his brow. That whole affair had been more nerve-wracking than defusing a real ticking time bomb. "You both are important to me." He felt a small twinge of pride.

"I think Tessa and I can put our differences behind us," Kaname said, actually believing that at the moment. "And it's funny again that you should mention someone getting hurt." She smiled sweetly, but her eyes could have drawn sparks with flint.

"Yes. I agree. That _is_ quite a coincidence," Tessa said. "We have our dignity to think of. And, the two of us have a common… opponent… _right?"_ She looked over at Kaname, who nodded her head.

"Opponent?" Sousuke suddenly felt a chill run up and down his spine.

"Yes," Kaname said, advancing on him, sashaying just a bit. "I'll take care of the chasing and swatting, if you want the hissing and nipping."

"OK," Tessa said. "Fine by me."

"I think I'll go get a couple of beers," Melissa said. "This ought to be good."

"Thanks," Kurz said, smiling at Mao.

"Who said I was going to give one to _you?"_ She chuckled, seeing Kurz' face fall.

"Kaname… Captain…" Sousuke said. "The fighting is over."

"Who told you _that,_ Sousuke?" Kaname sprung up and down on her legs a bit. She smiled when Tessa walked over to Sousuke's other side. He was surrounded.

"Didn't your experts teach you the most important thing about cat fights?" Commander Mardukas turned, preparing to leave the room.

"Sir?" Sousuke cocked his head. "Are you referring to the cat owner making a loud noise? Such an act will usually startle the cats and send them running in opposite directions. Shaking a can of food treats might also work."

"No," Kaname said. If he _ever_ tried shaking a box of Pocky or some other kind of snack in front of her, he'd pay big time!

"You should _never _step in between two angry cats," Tessa said.

"Uhhh…."

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Main Entry:**

catfight

**Part of Speech:**

_noun_

**Definition:**

disagreement

**Synonyms:**

affray, altercation, argument, battle royal, beef, bickering, brannigan, brawl, breach, broil, combat, commotion, complaint, contention, controversy, difference, difficulty, disapproval, discord, disputation, dispute, dissension, dissidence, disturbance, dust, falling-out, feud, fight, fisticuffs, fracas, fray, fuss, hassle, misunderstanding, objection, quarrel, rhubarb, row, ruckus, run-in, scrap, set-to, spat, squabble, strife, struggle, tiff, tumult, vendetta, wrangle

**Antonyms:**

agreement, reconciliation

_Extrapolated from: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.3.1)__  
__Copyright © 2007 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved._

_x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x _

P/S:

_For those with long memories, a slightly different version of this story had been on file once upon a time…._


	2. Chapter 2

The tension was a palpable thing.

Standing at attention, Sousuke looked straighter and stiffer than a flagpole. The look on his face suggested that a flag flew at half-mast.

Indeed, if anyone's death was being saluted, it was his own. Not in a past tense, naturally. But, in the here and now, as an inevitable consequence of infuriating two strong-willed and resourceful women.

"**Sir! Sgt. Major Sousuke Sagara…Urzu-7... I.D. number B-3128... reporting as ordered!" **

If it was possible, Sousuke was sweating even more than the time that Commander Mardukas had showed up in Tokyo, preparing for the visit from Captain Testarossa that the older gentleman had so strongly objected too. Moreover, he was perspiring heavier than the time he had flipped said superior officer in the halls of Jindai High School, thinking him a reported stalker and pervert.

"At ease, Sagara." Mardukas sat at his desk, hands steepled together, a worn-out and resigned look on his face. Picking up a cup of tea, he took a sip before continuing. "I know who you are." Between the lines, one might read 'But I wish I _didn't_'. "And I am all too aware of what you are."

"Commander?" Sousuke swallowed hard. If he was one to tremble, he'd be trembling now. The events that had followed the initial conflict between Kaname and Tessa had grown to legendary proportions, even for him.

"Beyond the fact that you are the only pilot capable of operating the ARX-9, much the way you had usurped control of both the ARX-7 and ARX-8.…" Mardukas sounded accusatory, almost as if Sousuke had gained his special status purposefully, merely to make the older man's life a living hell. "…You remain a valuable commodity, a loyal soldier specializing in Arm Slave operations and maintenance… improvised explosives… small arms… survival training… anti-armor combat… trap setting… and camouflage." He took another sip, eyes closed, picturing himself back on the bridge of the HMS Turbulent, Trafalgar class, S87. "You also show a needed proficiency in logistics… demolitions… breach and forced entry… covert intrusion… and hand to hand combat. It comes as no surprise that your experience as a guerrilla fighter… and mercenary soldier…has given you skills and powers of perception that many operatives lack."

"I believe that to be true," Sousuke replied, keeping his voice even. He looked straight ahead, avoiding Mardukas' eyes. "No doubt that is why Lord Mallory interceded on my behalf, and General Ammitt decided against the reprisals he threatened."

"That…." Commander Mardukas clenched his teeth, then let out a long sigh. He had almost suffered a heart attack, witnessing the way that Sousuke had spoken back to Mithril's head of Intelligence. He cleared his throat. "As I was saying, Lieutenant Mao and Sgt. Major Weber spoke up in your defense… again…." His eyes went hard. "I won't hold that against you."

"**Sir, thank you. Sir!" **Sousuke blinked when salty sweat stung his eye. "**That is very kind of you, Sir!" **

"Ahhh…." Mardukas sighed again, fighting the urge to sigh again. "Before today, you also had the… a_hem_… friendship of the Captain." Even though Sousuke had obviously chosen Kaname, the Commander still felt very protective of the petite Whispered submariner. "You had also won the heart of the same girl you were assigned to protect." He could just as easily had said 'You committed one of the greatest sins an undercover operative can commit. "All this, despite the fact that you remain a social nightmare outside of the battlefield."

"**Understood!" **Sousuke unconsciously rubbed his head. There was a welt there. At the moment, he couldn't remember if that came from Kaname or Tessa, or was accidentally self-inflicted. **"It was has never been my attention to be so, Sir!"**

"That does _not _excuse your behavior," Mardukas said, with more heat than he intended. "I still wonder if you are a wild animal some fool brought home as a pet." He rubbed his eyes, thinking back to past times. He fervently hoped that history wouldn't repeat itself. "You are cognizant to the fact that Gauron was once a member of Mithril, are you not? He held a Captain's rank, before the TDD-1 was commissioned, and prior to my departure from the Royal Navy."

"I was aware of that, Commander." Sousuke relaxed some. Somehow, thinking of Gauron caused him to relax. Compared to that maniac, the Commander was a walk in the park. "Lieutenant Commander Kalinin told me, not long after I joined the organization."

"I guessed as much," Mardukas said, running a finger around the rim of his tea cup before pushing his glasses higher on his patrician nose. "Kalinin…." He shook his head sadly. Andrei Sergeivich Kalinin, code-name Perth-1, had been a friend, or so it had seemed. It was not a warm friendship, but rather the kind that formed between two worldly professionals fighting towards the same goal. Only… now… he no longer knew if the latter was ever true. Some in Mithril were convinced that the Russian was a member of the anti-Leonard faction of Amalgam, with some surmising he might even be the mysterious 'Mr. Gold.' Others still insisted that he could just has easily have been a Mithril deep cover agent. "I know what he meant to you."

"Sir." Sousuke stiffened again. His own thoughts about the prior head of the SRT were even more jumbled than those of Mardukas. "It… I… **yes, Sir!"**

"But don't make the mistake of using that as an excuse for your future behavior." Mardukas leaned forward, his jaw set. "Do you understand me?" The boy had been through an awful lot in his life, as it was. Who could say what the effect on him might be, seeing that that the man who in many ways had been Sousuke's foster father might be dead, and could well have been a traitor. "Don't think… not even for one minute… that it will make me go lighter on you after this latest incident!"

"**No, Sir! I don't, Sir!" **Sousuke clamped his arms tight to his side. He was never the type to make excuses for anything. He was never the sort to ask for allowances or extenuating circumstances. He simply did what he did, willing to stand by the consequences when he was done. Did that make him different? Abnormal? The answer had no meaning for him.

"Good. I'm well aware of your background," Commander Mardukas looked like a hawk sizing up a young pullet. "As much as there is known of it." He rubbed his chin for a moment. "But… I suppose… there _could_ be some inaccuracies." What he had learned, he had gotten from Kalinin, and from the Mithril psychologist who had been able to get Sousuke to speak on the subject. The former had been far more informative than the latter. "If the majority is true, it would explain why you have little understanding of both the civil and the civilized parts of life… why you lack a good feel for the things that most people enjoy as recreation and entertainment… and why you continue to misinterpret the actions of people around you." It might prove useful to check the veracity of the boy's records. They both had time. Sousuke was essentially confined to his quarters pending this investigation, and the Commander was on break after this meeting and one other.

"I have heard that explanation, Sir." Sousuke made a face. "Miss Chidori had provided me with numerous other possibilities, and a list of my flaws and inadequacies."

"I'm certain she has," Mardukas drawled. What a pair those two were! There had been a number of people within Mithril who had pushed to have the girl join the organization. He would be just as happy if she did not. "A_hem. _So. If the Lieutenant Commander… if _Kalinin_ was correct…." He couldn't bring himself to erase that rank in his mind. Not yet. "…He rescued you, after the 747 jetliner you were riding on crashed in the North Pacific ocean. You would have been two or three years of age. He was a Spetznaz officer at the time."

"That is what he has told me," Sousuke nodded his head. "No one has informed me otherwise."

"His action was not authorized, and the records were eradicated and officially denied." Mardukas flipped through the pages in Sousuke's folder, which he had removed from a filing cabinet behind him. Identical records existed in Australia and at the new Merida Island base. "He was unable to find record of your parents, as no passengers by the name of 'Sagara' were listed on the aircraft manifesto. The name was pinned to your clothing, and could conceivably be your mother's maiden name. I take it, you never made effort to track down information on your own?"

"No, Sir." Sousuke blinked rapidly. Should he have? There never had been any burning desire to find out anything about the life that had been torn from him. How would the knowledge help him? There never had been place for it as a young orphan, a trainee, or a soldier. There had been times when he wondered if he had blood kin, but those brief moments of curiosity never amounted to much. Just the same, after Kaname had returned from her visit with her father and sister, she had given him reason to believe that she might take up just such a crusade in the future.

"I see," Mardukas said, his tone of voice making it seem that he might find the boy lacking more humanity than he first surmised. He forced himself to be more open minded. The concept of walking a mile in someone else's shoes was not foreign to him "You were inducted into the Soviet state child care system as an orphan. Not many much later, you were subjected a KGB training program for child soldiers. Is this true?"

"Yes, Sir." Sousuke paused. "If my memories are my own, and if they are correct."

"That is repre_hensible_." The Commander couldn't hide his outrage. "United Nations conventions state that children under the age of 15 years should not take a direct part in hostilities. Additional provisos insist that persons below the age of 18 should not be compulsorily recruited into armed forces. Doing so constitutes a war crime."

"I was well treated," Sousuke said. "There was food. There was shelter. I was not left alone."

"And there were guns." Mardukas felt ashamed, after that slipped out. Sousuke hadn't been obsessed with weapons. He had been trained in their use at an age where he didn't know anything different. "And… whether you understand it or not… that was _not _good treatment."

"I…" Sousuke flinched. A brief snippet of memory coursed across his mind, like a deer running in front of a car before vanishing from sight. "It…" he took a deep breath and then let it out. "My life was not as harsh as those of children in other militaries. In some conflicts, children are used as porters… sexual slaves… or human shields."

Both men knew the statistics on child soldiers. Sousuke had been forced to fight against some, earlier in his career as a mercenary. In Africa alone, up to 100,000 were believed to be involved in hostilities. In Burundi, hundreds of child soldiers serve in the _Forces Nationales pour la Libération_, an armed rebel Hutu group. Youths as young as 16 years old are conscripted by the opposing Burundese military. In the Central African Republic, hundreds of children serve in armed rebel groups, including the _Union des Forces Démocratiques pour le Rassemblement_. In Chad, they are utilized by the Chadian Military; the United Front for Democratic Change rebels; local self-defense forces known as the _Tora Boro_ militias; and two Sudanese rebel movements operating on foreign soil: the Justice and Equality Movement and the G-19 faction of the Sudanese Liberation Army.

Those are all just the tip of the iceberg. The same sad story takes place every day in Cote d'Ivoire; Democratic Republic of Congo; Rwanda; Somalia; Sudan; Uganda; and Zimbabwe. And, Asia is by no means immune to the same madness, as evidenced by separate outrages in Afghanistan, Burma, India, Indonesia, Laos, Philippines, Nepal and Sri Lanka. Furthermore, Sousuke still carried scars thanks to child suicide bombers in the Middle East and Chechnya. Bolivia… Colombia… Cuba… Haiti… the list goes on and on.

"There is no point in arguing the subject with you, Sergeant Major Sagara." Mardukas sounded a bit perturbed again. "Suffice it to say that in normal everyday life… in proper and civilized nations… children are taught the things they need to know in _those_ kinds of life and _those _kind of nations. They are not taught to be spies… they are not used as propaganda or disposable tools… and they are not turned into fighting machines." He relaxed his grip on his chair arms. There was no point in getting too worked up. He didn't want to habe to take those tranquilizers again. And, he shouldn't get angry at Sousuke because of the boy's way of coping with his past.

"Sir." Sousuke wasn't ashamed of himself. He was who he was, by no real fault of his own. But, he _did_ worry about Kaname, sometimes. She said that she loved him… and they had been through a great deal together… but would the day come when his military tendencies wore out their welcome once and for all?

"From the age of 8, you received specialized training as an assassin, and were later deployed into Helmajistan." Mardukas ran his fingers along the typed words. "It was your mission to assassinate a local leader of the strongest resistance army. You failed. But, the man did not have you killed."

"No," Sousuke replied. "He did not. General Majhid chose to take me into his forces, instead. He was the one who gave me the name 'Kashim'." He made a look of disgust. Anyone who had been on the bridge of the TDD-1 while Sousuke battled Gauron on the launch deck of the submarine could attest to Sousuke's feelings about _Kashim_. "I did indeed become part of the Mujahideen." Sousuke closed his eyes. His memories from those days were a blur. "I fought against the invading Soviet forces, using the skills that they themselves had taught me, along with new small arms and basic survival techniques I learned from the guerrilla fighters. And, when they captured an A-S, I became a skilled pilot."

"Yes," Mardukas said. He found it hard to believe that a child of that age could have successfully operated an RK-92 against seasoned Soviet soldiers. Mozart had been a prodigy when it came to classical music. Sousuke Sagara had been a prodigy of a much different type. "Later… by quite some coincidence…you were reunited with Kalinin when his forces captured you."

"Affirmative," Sousuke replied. "After he decided to defect from the Soviet armed forces, he gave me Spetznaz training, and taught me to speak Japanese and some Russian. After the fall of the invaders, we both became mercenaries. We became separated in Cambodia."

"That correlates with what Kalinin told me," Mardukas said. "After escaping Cambodia, you moved on to fight battles in the Middle East, gaining a reputation as a fine soldier and making numerous contacts, despite your age. Before joining Mithril, you spent five years as a soldier for hire, improving your skills, and moving further and further from a normal adolescent life." He flipped through a couple of pages that he had recently removed from Lieutenant Kalinin's files. This was the first time that he had read through them. "Ahhh… now _that's_ interesting…."

"Commander?" Sousuke rasied one eyebrow. He watched as Mardukas read a few moments longer.

"Lebanon. Both you and Sergeant Major Weber fought in that conflict." Mardukas had heard of the small war in question. It had been short but exceedingly brutal. "On opposite sides. It says here that the two of you left a deep impression on each other as deadly adversaries, describing each other as the best they had ever seen. That is, if Lieutenant Mao wasn't exaggerating when she related your stories to Kalinin."

"Sir? _He_ was the one?" Sousuke's eyes went wide. He had told that part of his history to Mao, but not to Weber. The same must have been true for Kurz. His admiration for Kurz' skill as a soldier had already been high. Learning that he had been the one who came close to killing him on a number of occasions upped the ante.

"You didn't know?" Mardukas rubbed his nose. It hadn't been wrong telling the boy what he did, had it? He couldn't see how. "Do you know Melissa Mao's story? I am not at liberty to reveal personal matters, if you do not."

"Lieutenant Mao was born to Chinese-American parents in America, brought up under strict Chinese traditions that included an supposed arranged marriage." Sousuke had heard that tale repeatedly, usually with Melissa draped drunkenly over the arm of a chair, with more than a dozen beer cans scattered across the floor, and cigarette butts filling anywhere from one to four ashtrays. "When she realized that latter, she left home and without a moment's hesitation, joined up with the United States Marine Corps, entering the recruitment office while still dressed in her wedding gown. After several years of service, she was eventually given a dishonorable discharge. In Hong Kong, living with her maternal relatives, she was scouted by Mithril. When her two teammates were permanently injured while on active duty, she was sent to the secret training camp in the forests of Berutarube, in order to select her new replacements. Those replacements were myself and Kurz Weber."

He thought back to those days. He was in a mental and emotional slump at the time, and had been considered no better than mediocre. What was even further from the truth, Kurz was thought to be a poor marksman.

"Correct," Mardukas admitted. To himself, he grumbled that the day that team had come together had been a black day indeed. "The same three that the Lieutenant Commander… in all of his wisdom… sent to Tokyo on the mission to guard Kaname Chidori." He sighed. He had opposed that arrangement, favoring a different approach. Captain Testarossa had been the deciding vote.

"Yes, Sir." Sousuke remembered being given that assignment. He had been horrified. That was not the kind of job he had been suited for. "No one expected things to go as far as they did, or to last as longs as they had."

"True," Mardukas remarked. "Just as no one expected yesterday's disturbances… either in scope… or duration…." He spoke as if there had been three major sins, not one. "I have allowed things to get off track a bit. Needless to say, despite your difficult past and all it implies, you are still a soldier, and are expected to behave in an appropriate military manner when aboard this submarine… when you are at any Mithril facility…." His voice continued to rise. "…And whenever you wear that uniform!" He readjusted his glasses after wiping a small amount of spittle off of his lips.

"Uhhh-hh-h… **Sir, yes Sir!" **Sousuke had been reminded of Kurz' saying 'Say it… don't spray it' any time Melissa popped a roughly handled beer and sent and sent suds flying. He was not about to make the connection to the older man. "I will make certain to behave better in the future, Sir!" He also did not want to think about suds of any sort at that moment. There was good reason for that.

"So, it is time for the details." Commander Mardukas flipped a switch under his desk. A Dictaphone was set in motion. "Hopefully they are as fresh in your mind as they are in the mind's of the crew. It seems that the… occurrences… have already grown _beyond _mythical proortions."

"Sir, I believe that I made an error in judgment at the start…." Sousuke swallowed hard.

"It wouldn't be the first time," Mardukas said under his breath before saying "And that mistake was…?"

"In reading about catfights, I found myself equating women with cats." He was surprised to see Mardukas nod his head for a moment… realize what he was doing… and then cough before sitting straighter, hands clasped together. "Cats may seem warm and adorable." Naturally, Sousuke was growing encyclopedic. 'Adorable' was usually not a useful word in his lexicon. "But, deep inside, there is no denying their animal nature."

"_And?" _Commander Mardukas relaxed some. It wasn't entirely easy. While he was known to the submarine community as a genius of submarine warfare, leading to his nickname 'Duke,' he was far less successful with women.

"First off, given the dangerous position I found myself in, I had to make allowance for the fact that cats will pounce and scratch, bite and attack, even when they are in a playful mood." Sousuke rubbed at a sore spot unconsciously. "A domestic cat is not truly domesticated until it has been adequately gentled and socialized. Even then…."

"_Hmmm-mm-m_… a word of advice, Sergeant Major…." Mardukas put his hand to his forehead. He felt a headache coming on.

"Sir?" Sousuke looked more attentive, meeting his superior officer's gaze.

"For your sake… and for the structural integrity of Da Danaan…." He rapped on the nearest bulkhead, coming as close to making a joke with his subordinate as he could. "Do not make any mention of 'domestication,' either to Miss Chidori or Captain Testarossa."

"Uhhh-hh-h…." Sousuke coughed twice. "I… it… that has already occurred." He looked down at his feet. "As you have surmised, it did _not_ help matters."

"Continue…." Mardukas wondered once again whether Sousuke's greatest enemy was Amalgam or Sousuke himself.

"I am well aware that cats are predators." Sousuke resumed his story. "It is the basis of their nature to hunt and to kill. They lay in wait. They stalk. When the time is right, they attack with lightning speed. To creatures their own size or smaller, they are a formidable foe."

"So… naturally… you thought of their chasing after you as a battle of sorts." Mardukas reached into his desk drawer. He had to choose between the oversized Anacin bottle or the Pepto Bismol. Resigning himself to the inevitable, he reached for both. "While your first instinct was escape… you also felt a need to…." He didn't bother finishing his train of thought.

"Yes, Sir. That was a product of _my_ instinct." Sousuke began sweating again. He could lengthen his explanation, but eventually he would have to describe his actions and their outcome. "Even cats that are socialized can become angry in certain situations. Once such an animal learns that its aggressive behavior is successful at warding off the perceived threat or irritants, the more likely it becomes that the animal will act aggressive again." Kaname's reaction had been well-established. That hadn't been concerning. But, would Tessa's recent imitation of her lead to more aggressive behavior in the future?

"There's a flaw in your assessment," Mardukas said. "Whether or not women are like cats is open to debate. Regardless, a cat or any creature is rewarded for acting in an aggressive manner because the threat or annoyance goes away. But, no matter what Miss Chidori does… you do _not_ go a-way…."

Sousuke simply stared at his superior officer. He did not miss the unspoken undertone to the older man's words: 'No matter what Commander Richard Mardukas did, Sousuke Sagara would not go away.'

"In your case… but hopefully not with Captain Testarossa…." The deep threat in Mardukas' voice would have been obvious to the most obtuse man on earth. "…The behavior of those around you becomes more aggressive and dangerous because their actions do _not_ have their intended effect." He approved of that kind of situation with Sousuke's enemies. It went without saying that the opposite was true, regarding friends and allies.

"I see. I suppose that is logical, Sir." Seeing the other man wave his hand, he continued. "Perhaps I should not have made such great efforts to see that their behavior did not have the effect they intended." He cleared his throat again. "Because I realized that too much excitement and stimulation cat lead to aggression in cats. For example, there is apparently a fine line between enjoyable petting and irritating handling…." He had learned that the hard way himself, but with Kaname, not with cats. "My actions were designed to retard their energy and aggressive actions…."

"…" Mardukas had to exert every ounce of his iron will to keep from shouting 'You're f-cking kidding me, right?' He merely said "It appears that your actions had the opposite effect."

"Uhhh-hh-h… Yes, Sir…." Sousuke wondered why that always happened to him. Perhaps it was due to the fact that Kaname and others didn't ascribe to the tenets of logic. Indeed, if they learned lessons about cats and applied them to him, they would know that pushing a furry feline beyond its limits can frustrate the animal because he isn't living up to your expectations. He should be given some considerations. He should not necessarily be expected to change to suit you. "I _did_ however attempt to praise both of them. I believe that was good. However, I probably should not have told them that it was my intention to train them… to teach them to be gentle the way that women _should_ be…." He didn't tell the older man that Melissa had chimed in hearing all that, and had given him the kind of treatment usually reserved for Kurz when he stated 'It is not a problem, Lieutenant. I do not consider _you_ to be a woman.'

"You have a death wish, Sagara." Commander Mardukas sighed. "I just don't know if it's yours… or mine…."

"Sir?" Sousuke looked over at a spot on the wall, no longer feeling comfortable meeting the other professional's eyes. "I told them that it was normal for cats to want to play, but that overly rambunctious and senseless aggression should earn a powerful rebuke or reprimand. They did not listen. I felt compelled to stand by my words."

"Did you happen to say 'A reprimand from their _owner_'?" Mardukas correctly anticipated the answer.

"Uhhh-hh-h… it… I believe so." Sousuke rushed to say those last words. The error of his mistake was obvious even to him. "I… it was… because it is necessary to provide cats with something pounce on or grab with its claws while it learns not to bite its…." He stopped from saying 'owner.' "I tried to provide pretend prey for them to attack in place of me."

"And you tried to accomplish this… how…." Mardukas realized that he should have written everything down. It would make a fascinating case study for any number of journals. In novel form, it might even win him the Pulitzer prize.

"In a military sense, it is always wise to divide and conquer, if possible." Sousuke felt a bit more confident, speaking about that subject. "It is also useful to turn enemies against one another."

"Let me guess…." Mardukas sat up straighter. Being very protective of Teletha Testarossa, whose father and submarine he had saved once upon a time, he didn't like the way the conversation was headed. "You told the Captain things that Miss Chidori said about her… and told Kaname Chidori things that your superior officer…." He put a lot of emphasis on those two words. "…Had said about her."

"**Affirmative!" **Sousuke's collar was drenched from sweat. "It was a mistake, Sir. I know that I had started off trying to stop catfights between them…." He hung his head. "If I had allowed time to reason things through to their fullest extent in the heat of combat, I would not have acted against that primary objective."

"It was _not _combat…." Mardukas had wanted to shout that at the infuriating boy numerous times in the past. He doubted that his pointed instruction would ever truly sink in. "At most it was a conflict of sorts, and only by the most lax interpretation. I have always thought that Mithril should send you for some kind of obedience training." He knew that Sousuke was not a dog, no matter how Miss Chidori might picture him at times. As difficult as it sometimes was to train a cat, it can still be done. He wasn't sure Sgt. Major Sagara could ever be suitable trained. While euthanasia might be out of the question, a cage was not! There was a loud knock on the door. "Come in!"

Two familiar faces showed as the door opened. Neither was new to this situation, having met like this in the past regarding other issues.

"Sgt. Major Kurz Weber reporting for duty, Sir!" Kurz was jaunty and effusive, not flippant.

"I'm here, too." Mao felt compelled to be solemn and subdued, if only because Kurz seemed so frigging jubilant. In any case, she had grown past the stage where she felt personally responsible for Sousuke's actions. "Sir."

"I've asked the two of them to join us here," Mardukas stated. "So that they can confirm your recollections, and to provide another perspective." He gave Kurz a gimlet eye. "I am _certain_ they appreciate the gravity of the situation, and do not judge this to be a source of amusement." He drummed his fingers on the desktop, stopping when he saw a glimmer of understanding in Melissa Mao's eyes. "Sgt. Major. Lieutenant. We had gotten to the point where Mister Sagara related his attempts to turn the two young ladies against one another."

"Hah!" Kurz pumped a fist in the air, before affecting a more restrained look. "Sousuke told Tessa that Kaname had said a Blue-Footed Booby was less clumsy than the Captain was."

"She promptly tripped," Melissa added. "Sousuke then told Kaname that Tessa had implied that the blue-haired girl was nothing more than a pair of boobies." She ran a hand through her hair. "I suppose that was Sgt. Major Sagara's choice of words, as surprising as it might seem." She fought the urge to elbow a grinning Kurz in the gut. "I wonder where he learned _that_ from…."

"It was…." Sousuke was interrupted.

"I hardly think it important to learn where you gained the words to accompany your poor judgment," Mardukas said flatly.

"You're absolutely correct, Sir!" Kurz spoke with mock severity. "Sousuke also told Kaname that Tessa had been bragging about her Spaghetti Carbonara, saying that he must be happy to eat some real food for a change, unlike the pitiful attempt at cooking that the other girl had brought over in apology, back when she first saw Tess-ssa standing there in a towel. Oh yeh!"

"Wh-… Wh-… _What _did you say?" Commander Mardukas' eyes went wide, before narrowing to slits. A flinch of his hand was actually strong enough to detach the handle of his favorite tea cup. "T-… T-… T-…."

"You're not helping," Melissa growled, silently promising to make Kurz pay later. "Asshole." She quickly continued, not wanting her superior officer to dwell on the sniper's faux pa. "Sousuke then went on to f-cking tell Tessa that Kaname had said that the other girl was only bragging because she felt so needy."

"That's right," Kurz said. "Just like she had been when she fell on Sousuke… knocked him to the sand… and then wriggled there on top of him, not letting him get up." His eyes were overflowing with mirth. He turned to face Mao. "You know… back when she made that bet with you… for the A-S battle… where the loser would have to run around the base, naked…." If he was going to get a whooping, he would make certain to bring her down with him.

"Lieutenant?" Now Mardukas' ire was focused squarely on Meliissa Mao. "This is the first that I have heard about the unauthorized use of Mithril equipment…." His knuckles turned white as he gripped the edge of the desk. "…The real risk of injury for one of the most important members of our organization…." Each word was crisp. Too crisp. "…_Or_ the rather inappropriate reward system…." He pushed his chair back, but managed to keep from abruptly standing.

"Things would not have reached that point," Sousuke stated. "As I was serving as referee."

"So…." Mardukas' voice was deceptively calm. "You were involved, too. Why am I not surprised?"

"Uhhh-hh-h…" Sousuke shivered. To him, it felt as if the temperature in the room had dropped by a dozen degrees or more. "Uhhh-hh-h…."

"What our intrepid soldier is trying to say…." Kurz started. "…I believe is 'Uhhh-hh-h'." He smiled at his own quip. "In any case, things went on for that vein a little while longer; but, all it did was make the two pretty ladies even more angry at Sousuke here."

"No doubt," Mardukas said. "What did you do next, Mister Sagara?"

"I… it was…." Souske put his hand to his mouth and coughed. He closed his eyes, and spoke as calmly as he could. "My first attempt at distracting the two cats… I mean women…."

"You were right the first time, Sousuke old buddy!" Kurz was smiling all of the way to the bank. He had grabbed a loaded camera pod off of a pilot less drone that had been laid out for repair work. He had filmed the entire brouhaha, and was going to offer copies to eager crewmen at a reasonable price.

"I believe you remember how to peel potatoes, Sergeant major?" Mardukas didn't bother looking at Kurz. "If you wish more practice, I will wit until Seaman Ordheim is on kitchen duty." The large hairy man he mentioned rarely showered. He did keep his hands impeccably clean, however. "Sagara…."

"Temptation," Sousuke said. His voice came out quiet and garbled. "I… uhhh-hh-h… shaking treats in front of fighting felines often serves well. With Miss Chidori, I told her I would take her to the movie she wanted to see."

"That went over _real-l-l _well!" Melissa chuckled. "She picked up a large spanner wrench and bounced it off of your head. I guess you couldn't dodge everything she threw, even with your skills. The mechanics will be picking their tools up all night!"

"'So… you won't take me to that kind of movie from the goodness of your heart… but you will as a trick to save your lousy loser life'." Kurz' imitation of Kaname was uncannily close to the original. "'You… insensitive… manipulative… jerk….'." He laughed. "It certainly didn't help that Tessa shouted 'I'll see the movie with you, Sousuke,' or that Lieutenant Babe here suggested that loverboy could tempt the cute little Captain with a date."

"Uhhh-hh-h…." Sousuke rubbed another sore spot. That had come courtesy of a thrown mallet, right after Tessa had yelled 'I accept,' even though it had been Melissa's idea, and he never said a word.

"That was Lieutenant Mao's idea. I see. Duly noted." Mardukas took off his glasses, fogged them with his breath, and reached for a cleaning cloth. "Seaman Ordheim will be needing someone to help him prepare a rather large meal for visiting Council members when we reach shore." That shook Melissa out of her insolent slouch.

"Since those methods failed…." Sousuke knew all about drawing fire for the sake of a comrade. He resumed his spiel. "…I decided to try another well-established method. Throwing blankets on warring cats will focus their attention elsewhere."

"I think they mean _wool_ blankets, Sousuke." Kurz fluffed his hair. "Right, Sis?" Kurz smirked when Melissa stuck up her middle finger and tried to ignore him.

"Affirmative," Sousuke replied. "However, there was no time to remove one of the large tarps from the VTOL aircraft. "So… well… at the time it seemed practical…."

"He used a foam blanket," Mao said, smiling despite being pissed off. "You know, the stuff the f-cking deck crews keep around the f-cking aviation fuel." He hand twitched. She would literally kill for a smoke.

"I take it you are referring to fire suppression foam, the type sprayed on a blaze, to prevent the flame's contact with oxygen?" Commander Mardukas began to understand why the hangar deck had looked like the practice arena for World War III. "The high-expansion type with the malodorous corrosion inhibitors, based on the US Navy's AFFF technology. Wonderful." He tasted blood. He had actually bitten his lip. He hadn't done that since he first made cadet!

"It looked like a winter wonderland." Kurz clapped his hands. "Big white drifts and mountains, with lots of white raining down." He showed his pearly whites. "Kaname looked like a soft vanilla cone… jumbo size…." He could make digital prints of those pictures and put them in the holiday calendar he was planning. "And Tess-ssa looked like a cute round snowman, with only her eyes showing. The whole place looked like a big snow globe." More photos worth their weight in gold.

"Peace on earth and good will to men," Mardukas ground out between clenched teeth. His headache threatened to reach migraine proportions. "No doubt it boosted them men's spirit, giving them a bit of Christmas cheer in the middle of the summer." He could imagine just how angry the clean-up crew must be. Especially since they had to work through the night. "How thoughtful of you, Mister Sagara."

"That… it was not my intention…." Sousuke was so wet with sweat, it looked like he had walked through a sprinkler. "And… in my next attempt… I combined another famous method with efforts at clean-up…." Her practically pleaded with his eyes, imploring Kurz or Melissa to say something in his defense.

"The old 'bad kitty' bottle," Melissa said after a yawn. "Sousuke style." She stretched. Seeing a look of confusion in her superior officer's eyes, she added: "Standard fire hose. Large vari-nozzle. Optimal pressure 90-150 pounds per square inch. Flow rate close to 500 gallons per minute."

"God save me…." Mardukas hung his head. He didn't care who might be watching him.

"I have not received training with that type of device," Sousuke admitted. "By mistake, I had dialed in 270 pounds per square inch." He shivered. It felt as if someone had walked over his grave. "I did not intent to have things happen the way they did." He was still oblivious to the fact that optimal fire-fighting pressure would still have been catastrophic when used to clean people.

"Flying suds, everywhere." Kurz gave Sousuke a playful salute. "Flying suds… flying duty rosters… flying supply carts… flying oil drums…." He unconsciously struck a run-way pose. "…Flying Whispered girls…."

"Shit. Sliding would be more accurate," Mao quipped. "Or tumbling… like clothes in a rinse cycle…." She shrugged. The Commander didn't see the humor in it. Too much starch in his collar and way too much starch in his character. "Everyone got a chance to see that Kaname was wearing pink panties. Were those a gift from you?" She couldn't resist the chance to tease Sousuke. "You have excellent taste."

"Gah…." Sousuke froze. He and Kaname were not at a stage where they frequently saw one another's undergarments. For a moment, he recalled the beating he had received at her hands, back when he had apprehended Shinji in his role as panty-thief.

"The buttons weren't blown off of Tessa's uniform blouse until the _next _stage," Kurz added helpfully. He made a 'tsk tsk' nose when Mardukas' sudden spasm left the Commander holding a broken chair arm.

"Buttons?" The Commander's face looked like that of a fiend from the deepest pits of hell. "S-… S-… Sagara…." He was losing his cool. He had to be calm. He had to be dignified. He had to be British.

"Sir, it was not my doing." Sousuke stood stiffer than a ten-inch thick wood plank. "The girls ran away from the cleaning spray. They chose the incorrect place to hide from view. I am certain that the pilot was unaware."

"Yes," Kurz added. "Unaware of the havoc going on behind his jet. And, I suppose, unaware that two beautiful soaking wet teenage babes had run underneath that jet."

"An AV8B," Melissa clarified. "In the middle of a routine Lift Nozzle test. The thrust blew Kaname's skirt clear off. It's still hanging from the uppermost portion of one of the hangar doors." She would never forget the sight of seasoned veterans saluting their newfound 'flag.' Idiots. "She ended up inside a stack of empty crates, legs sticking out and wiggling." Her eyes sparkled.

"For a clumsy girl, I have to give the Captain credit." Kurz was not moved by the desperate look on Sousuke face. "She held onto a support beam for all she was worth, for a good ten seconds. Long enough for each and every button to rip off." He paused for dramatic effect. If this had been an anime, he would expect to see steam come shooting out of the Commander's ears, or find him pawing at the floor like an enraged bull. "Then…." He spoke nonchalantly, looking at his fingernails. "…She let go, and flew into one of the open waste oil bins."

"When the mechanics pulled her out, she looked like the pictures of those f-cking seabirds and otters," Melissa chimed in. "The ones caught up in that goddam Exxon Valdez bullshit."

"…" Mardukas was breathing heavy now. "Was… there… more…."

"Uhhh-hh-h." Sousuke clicked his heals together. Aided by his two stalwart companions, he gave a detailed run-down on the remaining mishaps. Leave it to Kurz to bring up one of the more risqué ones that Sousuke left out.

"It was nearing the end… the combatants were panting… they couldn't have much strength left…." Weber sounded like someone announcing a football game or some kind of survival television show. "Even Sousuke Sagara… trained soldier that he is… looked ready to collapse." In fact, he was actually practicing the voice over he would add to his first 'Sexy Submarine Showdown' DVD. "A heavy tool box… shifted by all of the amazing action… came plummeting downwards… straight for our cute and cuddly heroines." He made a flamboyant lunge, hands hovering inches from Melissa's bosom. "Whoosh… wham… wow… and our hero pushed the two ladies out of harms way…." He flexed his fingers, as if he were squeezing Mao's breasts. "Just like a classic and cliché manga moment. One hand on the delectable Kaname's breast. One on sweet little Tessa's. The groping was purely accidental, of course…."

"I did not intend…." Sousuke looked ready to flee.

"Dickwad!" Mao lashed out with a vicious kick. Having crossed the 'two inch' threshold enforced by Melissa, Kurz went somersaulting across the room, crashing into a bulkhead and sliding downward, headfirst. He lay moaning in a crumpled heap, sprawled across the shattered remnants of Commander's imported wooden trash can.

Mardukas slowly made his way to his feet. He straightened his collar again, and then moved the eyeglasses again. Reaching over to a wall rack, he took down his hat and placed it squarely on is head. He opened his mouth to say something scathing. But, before he could, the alarm on his wristwatch went off.

"They will be here, soon." The Commander shut off the alarm with the push of a small metal button. "I suppose you can thank them for your life. This, too" He tapped the watch. "Unfortuantely… for their sake… I find myself doing the inconceivable."

"S-Sir?" Sousuke looked at the door, as if he expected his saviors to come walking in. He didn't know if that were a blessing, or a stay of execution. No doubt, they were still furious.

"If I were not a professional… and the two of us were not on duty…." Mardukas finished adjusting his HMS _Turbulent_ cap just right. "I would personally geld you like an aggressive and troublesome stallion. I…." He was cut-off.

"Geld, Sir?" Sousuke looked puzzled. He knew it must be something bad; but, he didn't know just what.

"Castrate," Melissa added helpfully. "You know, cutting the balls off." She looked down at Kurz. "What I should have done to Weber long ago…."

"If not that, I would strap you to one of Da Danaan's steam catapults and launch you far off into the South China Sea…." Mardukas had a faraway look in his eyes. "…Stuff you into a torpedo tube and fire you into an active minefield. Lock you into the brig… throw away the key… and then scuttle the ship." He sighed. "But, against my better judgment, I am going to help you. In doing so, I hope to help everyone else, too."

Mardukas went on to describe a course of action that might settle the two irate women down. Grudgingly, against his personal preferences, he promised Sousuke that there would be only minimal punishment coming his way, should he prove successful in returning things to normal. Not long after he had dropped back into his chairs, a sharp rap sounded at the door.

"Enter," the Commander called out.

"You wanted to see us, Commander?" Tessa looked all prim and proper again. It had taken a lot of work, removing the oil from hair and skin. She raised one eyebrow, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. The titular leader of all onboard, she still felt insignificant at times, finding it all too easy to shrink in on herself around more mature professionals.

"I don't think I would have come… if I knew _he _was here…." Kaname made a cross face, seeing Sousuke. She folded her arms and tossed her moist hair. Her clean-up had been easier than Tessa's; but, that didn't mean it had been easy. "_Hmmmpppfff!_"

"I believe that Sergeant Major Sagara has something to tell you ladies." Mardukas spoke in a conversational tone of voice. "I tend to agree with his logic. It may save us all a great deal of trouble in the future."

"Yes. Well. I believe the Commander is correct." Sousuke knew that he was a terrible actor. To that end… and because he wanted to be certain how everyone still felt… he would not be pretending. He would mean exactly what he said. "We had a long discussion about me… my life… and the recent episode." He spread his legs apart and put his arms behind his back. "It may well be true that I am too disruptive to be around you both."

"What?" Kaname's irritation quickly vanished. A look of concern graced her attractive features.

"Mister Sagara?" Tessa looked a bit taken aback herself.

"T-…." Sousuke caught himself. "Captain… I know that I told you how important a person you are… and that I will be your friend." He looked down at his boots. "I do not think that a friend should get someone in so much trouble, or put their life in jeopardy."

"But…." Tessa brought her hand to her mouth.

"Kaname… you know how I feel about you…." Sousuke's voice grew thick. "I would not be shocked if your feelings for me changed after the recent incident. Your life has been nothing but trouble since the day I showed up at Jindai High School."

"That's true… I guess…." Kaname shook her head. She didn't want Sousuke to make some stupid and noble decision. "But… really… you've been so much more…."

"I was going to speak with you two at length," Mardukas put in. "I have a great deal to say regarding the actions of the Sergeant Major … and about your own roles in the recent nonsense…." There was steel under the velvety surface of his voice. "But… seeing that you and he have important matters to think on… and may have very important decisions to make…. I think each of you should return to his or her cabin for some soul searching. There is no need to be rash." He hid a smile. Neither girl had any intention to remain angry with the btroublesome boy. "If the two of you would kindly take your leave, I have a few matters to discuss with the SRT before I release Mister Sagara."

Both girls excused themselves and headed on their separate ways. As soon as their footsteps were no longer audible, a gimpy Kurz slapped Sousuke on the back.

"Alll-ll-l-_right!" _Kurz grinned, and then checked to see if any of his teeth were loose. "It looks like things will return back to normal. You lucked out Sousuke. No one will be trying to rip you a new one anymore."

"I hope you hold true to those words, Sergeant Major Weber." Mardukas stood up and picked a few pieces of lint off of his uniform.

"Huh?" Kurz cocked his head, a baffled look on his face.

"I will require each and every inch of film you might have… any photo discs in your possession…." Mardukas drilled his gaze into that of the blonde playboy. "And any memory stick holding even the briefest footage of the recent ugliness." His voice dropped into the sub arctic range. "That is not a request, obviously."

"B-… B-… B-…." Kurz was speechless. His dreams! His grand and glorious plans! The way Mao's mouth turned up at the edges was salt in his wound.

"And Lieutenant Mao…." Mardukas turned his frigid stare on the senior most member of the SRT. "Like Mister Weber, you had a duty to put an end to the foolishness. If anything, given your rank, you had an even greater responsibility. As such, I see no reason to reward such irreverent behavior." He brought his hand down hard on the table and spoke very firmly. "There will be a strict and absolute moratorium on alcoholic beverages onboard the submarine for the next thirty days." His smile was razor sharp. "That goes for everyone. I will let the crew know that you are the reason for this new take on Prohibition."

"Sousss-ss-skay…." Kurz curled his fingers into claws.

"Shit!" Melissa kicked at her chair after standing abruptly. "Goddammit-to-hell!" She turned to look at Sousuke.

"Uhhh-hh-h…." Sousuke swallowed hard. Too many times he found himself in just this kind of predicament.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

**END**


End file.
